Every how-to video I've ever seen

[Orrex]

Orrex: "Hmm. Once it's connected, it's easy to put the blammostat back in its housing, but the connections are the tricky part. I wonder how to arrange the connections on the blammostat."

(clicks video titled "How to arrange the connections on a blammostat." )

Video begins: "Ok, so I've arranged the connections on the blammostat, and how I'm going to show you how to put it back in its housing."

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

And often they're a 12 minute "monetized" vid with 11:42 of even more useless crap.


Now get off my lawn so that I can yell at this pesky cloud.

[grumpyduck]

1. Oh yeah.

I've pretty much given up on those.

[stopdiggin]

2. you have no business being anywhere near that blammostat in the first place

and you know it!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[LuckyCharms]

3. Here's what bothers me about those How-to videos.

When I need them, when I need to resort to them, I need them RIGHT NOW.

I will have some emergency going on that I have no idea how to fix. Usually it's a plumbing emergency, and I'm soaking wet and filthy.

So I run to my desk top, go to YouTube, adrenaline rushing, hands shaking, and search "how I do fix this fucking thing".

Meanwhile, something is flooding, something is burning up, whatever.

Every video that comes up starts like..."Good afternoon, and welcome to my channel! Please don't forget to hit the "like button". Today we'll be talking about how to unfuckulate your gizmatic when the Cooper valve starts shooting natural gas while it is in it's locked position. First, let me give you some some information about how the Cooper valve was historically developed and changed over time. You will find this interesting...

And I'm screaming at the computer HURRY THE FUCK UP I GOT A FUCKING PROBLEM HERE!

So then I try to fast forward the video and end up going past what I need, so my greasy hands are moving the slider frantically trying to find what I need.

A friend of mine was trying to convince me to make how-to videos. said I'd be good at it, and I could make some money. I haven't done so, but if I did, they would be short and sweet, like...

Step 1 RELAX

Step 2 GET A CRESCENT WRENCH OR A PAIR OF VICE GRIPS

Step 3 FIND THE SHUT OFF, IT LOOKS LIKE THIS...

etc.

[Orrex]

7. I would watch your vids

You make a whole bunch of excellent points. In addition to "need help now!" viewers, I'd bet that a lot of people who watch the vid don't need a lengthy refresher on how to hold the wrench properly.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

13. Hammer, duck tape (duct tape is an entirely different critter), vise grips

If those won't fix it, fuckit you need a new one.

[keithbvadu2]

4. The second time you do the job is quicker when you're fixing the first time you did it.

This time you have experience.

(Ask me how I know)

[central scrutinizer]

5. "But first...."

The two most feared and hated words in the click bait universe.

[Ptah]

6. The best 'how to' video I've seen is "How to find mile markers on Google Earth."

1. Go into street view.
2. Scroll along the chosen road until you see a mile marker.
3. Success!

[Orrex]

8. Now THAT is a life-changing tip!

[Doctoris Extincti]

9. You are SO right!

I've watched a few, a Very Few, that are helpful.

Generally these are 5 minutes or less and do not start with "Welcome to The Channel..."

[Orrex]

10. Yes! And welcome to DU!

When I'm searching for a how-to vid, I now pass over any that are longer than three or four minutes, depending on the subject. That way I know that they've wasted minimal time on a sales pitch and are jumping right into the information I need.

[Prairie_Seagull]

11. It's well know the blammostat is a single use item.

It's right there in the name.

[Orrex]

12. Where the hell were you when I needed you?