Woman who spends most of her time alone to escape the patriarchy describes her feelings on it

[Takket]

Really good piece. Hard to sum it up in the title and excerpt. You really need to read the whole thing......

https://bikepacking.com/plog/man-or-bear-debate/

When I’m alone in the backcountry and come across a man, I feel a very low level of vigilance. Depending on the situation, I might even be happy to see him. He’s a fellow human! Maybe we’ll be friends! I’m likely to smile genuinely and say hello.

I don’t feel afraid, but I am aware. As we chat, my intuition absorbs a thousand things at once. His body language. His tone. How he looks at me and interacts. Most of the time, this produces an increased sense of security. Most men are friendly, respect my boundaries, and don’t want to hurt me. Most of the time, I feel very safe around men.

But not all the time. Sometimes, my intuition absorbs things that increase my level of vigilance. My awareness shifts into closer observation, and I look for signs of danger. Nothing is wrong, but it could go wrong very quickly.

It could be something he says. Maybe he makes a comment about my body or my appearance. Or he asks if I’m carrying a weapon and then presses for details about where I’m camping that night. Sometimes, it’s a shift in his tone, a leer, the way he puts his body in my space. But, usually, it’s a combination of things, a totality of behaviors that add up to a singular reality: this man is either not aware that he’s making me uncomfortable, or he doesn’t care. Either way, this is the danger zone. Even if he has no intention of harming me, the outcome of that intention is no longer possible for me to assess or predict.

[Timeflyer]

1. Great piece--thanks for posting.

One of the positive parts of aging as a woman is the decreasing feeling of being watched and judged by men, and possibly being prey. Never felt so free to just be out there as a young woman. It's like an invisibility shield to be post-menopausal.

[Farmer-Rick]

5. OK, I went down the man or bear spiral

Only 10% of the women asked, answered man.

OK, I get it. Just know not all men would want to hurt a strange woman in the woods.

God, our patriarchy really is awful.

[OMGWTF]

6. The majority of women have been SA'd at some time in their lives.

I’m married to a good man but if I end up single I am not going to ever date anyone again. Besides, at my age the single men are just looking for a nurse with a purse. Hell to the NO! I will get a cat. A female cat.

[Timeflyer]

9. Don't care about the man/bear question. Seemed silly considering the number of women assaulted by men vs bears.

But women live in the same world as men, everywhere, all the time. We know most men aren't physically going to harm us, but there's always a chance because--male primates do what they do sometimes (how many women vs. men were rampaging through Congress on 1/6/2021).

Women aren't hating on men when we're cautious, we're being smart so we can survive. Just in case today's the day our luck runs out and paths cross with that one asswipe, who represents an infinitesimal percentage of men, and this is the day he's looking to prove his dominance through aggression.

It's unfortunate that good men get smeared by the damage done by the bad ones. But if women and men don't acknowledge the reality, things won't improve. Like I tell my man, "you're not one of those--you make the world a better place." I'm sure you do too.

[CrispyQ]

2. Excellent commentary. I read some of her other blog posts, too.

Thanks for posting!

[BlueSky3]

3. Thanks so much

for posting this. It has opened up an important conversation.

[Wild blueberry]

4. Whole article is excellent

Thank you for bringing it to our attention.

[MontanaMama]

7. Women aren't stupid. We know it isn't all men.

But it’s enough of them that we have to act like it’s all of them to keep ourselves safe. It’s the pivotal moment in the article for me…described as “the danger zone” where his intentions are not clear. I want to avoid that situation at all costs because if I misread him in that moment, I might not walk away unscathed.

[flying_wahini]

8. Thanks for posting. Enjoyed it.