How to handle someone who lives in their trauma?
Hi guys, I'm back again.
So the DV from last week has to be handled in a long term fashion unfortunately. I am not one to just throw someone out into a tent, especially when she's got so many physical issues as well.SO she's hopefully gonna have a car to live in and hit the road in about 3 weeks.
That said. I need to handle my fucking life that has been destroyed by losing my phone. My bank and pay[al are now locked and the bank is sending me a new card because on top of it they think I got hacked. (Had a shady FB marketplace person mess with me the day before this all happened, better to be safe than sorry...but ALSO the bank automatically freaks out when I pay Google FI which is my phone carrier, so I can't seem to get the replacement phone paid for cuz the Bank)
Meanwhile, things seemed to be pretty chill and I am definitely pretty shut off emotionally. Maybe it's me, but once a line is crossed...I can care about you, but don't ask for compassion cuz I just can't muster it.
Forward to yesterday...I thought it was going to be a chill day, we were each doing our own meditations and working separately. I have to be in the living room because it's the only place I can cast what's left of my laptop to the TV
she blows out into the living room, (because a Dr has blown her off and suggested pain treatment which is drugs and she's 5+ years sober) but then she starts to "trauma vomit" all over me and basically says that her life has proven that nothing can be relied on including me because of all the shit she's been through. So I am just as fucked up as the medical situation etc...
Firstly...her trauma is deep and hard )trafficked before age 15 and no real home her whole life but group and sober living, lost her kids, lived with kids in the car etc) and it scares the hell out of me because it is beyond anything I could even wrap my head around as a middle class white girl from CA. I have NO idea what to do with it or how to comfort...
Secondly, I'm offended by being lumped into the bag of horrific people and things that have happened to her.
So I say Im not qualified to handle her problem and all I know is to try to "help" by getting her on her feet enough to function. She wants compassion and I am just... empty/done/closed.
I leave, (which I admit is my MO...I run away when I am overwhelmed) and go get my groceries etc.
When I come back she acts like nothing happened, asks me if I am "mad" to which I just say no.
When INside I AM pissed.
I'm pissed that I have to figure out all my online accounts and try to get a goddamn phone and lie to my family about why it's busted in the first place.
I'm pissed that she thinks I'm as bad as a human trafficker and uses my last years' flakiness against me (um, both parents DYING and add some alcohol issues and wtf...I'm allowed some flakey days)
I'm pissed at the situation and that I can't just throw her to the wolves because that's just not what a 'good person' does...or so I was taught.
So I go about the rest of the days and try to get my pieces in order, fantasizing about the day when my home will be MINE again and try to manage the day to day. We still joke around here and there, there's still the basics of who take the trash out and empties the dishwasher...but UG
Anyway, wtf do you do with that kind of trauma? I don't know how to be compassionate of the person broken and crying in front of me, and I feel like a cold and indifferent monster.
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