Anyone people-please?

[XanaDUer2]

I was talking to my therapist, and admitted that I have problems with people pleasing, approval-seeking, and feeling the need to explain my decisions. BECAUSE I DON'T NEED TO.

[flying_wahini]

1. Everybody wants to please others and seek approval. We are hardwired that way.

As the eldest daughter I had more responsibilities than my siblings at an early age.
Some weren’t fair but it was a long time ago and it left permanent marks on my decisions about
Who was worthy and who wasn’t. My Mother withheld her affection and approval for most of my life. Long sordid tale.
Point here:
Stop kicking yourself for being human. We are all trying to do the best we can. You are not perfect and you can take off your cape and stop trying to be a super person.
The dirty truth is that you only have one person to live with and please and it’s YOU. The other truth is that nobody else sees you as perfect either. Give it up and give yourself a pat on the back for trying.

[XanaDUer2]

4. I went no contact

With an abusive sister whose life is a dumpster fire yelling at me. Ty for responding

[ggma]

2. Congrats!

Took me years to get there, but it felt like freedom once I did.
gg

[XanaDUer2]

6. Congrats

I'm still learning

[Frasier Balzov]

3. You've turned into Larry David.

[XanaDUer2]

5. Not sure what that means

But I'm happy for both of us

[Frasier Balzov]

8. Sorry, I meant the character he plays.

Where all the humor is derived from how not into other people's feelings he is.

[Qutzupalotl]

7. Bravo on your insight

about explaining yourself. Most times, you don't need to.

I've been called a people-pleaser because I sincerely want to give people what they ask for or need. In my opinion, that's just what being nice is. My job as a designer requires approvals of higher-ups, and seeking approval tends to spill over into other areas of life.

The problems arise when I base my self-worth on their reaction or opinion of me. The trick seems to be cultivating a healthy self-image independent of other people's opinion of me, including an honest estimation of my abilities and a realistic level of expectations. I'm not the best or the worst. That seems to blunt the effect of criticism to the point where it doesn't bother me.

[XanaDUer2]

9. Ty for responding! Nt

[irisblue]

10. Aw hell yes. A lot of therapy & time

Was needed to me from a 9/10 people pleaser to a 4/10 level.
I did dumb and wrongs to myself because I tried too hard & long to please people. Especially in romantic & familial matters.

[XanaDUer2]

11. I went no contact

With my turkey sister bc i couldn't take her aggressive abuse anymore. She wanted me to co-sign a 20k loan.

[OldBaldy1701E]

12. I am always told I am 'too nice'.

And, it is true. The day I decide that my SOP is to not be nice to other people is the day I truly weep for the death of humanity and decency in myself and in the world. I have never seen it as being too nice. I guess it goes like this: Either you behave in a nice way to everyone until they give you reason not to, or you treat everyone like a piece of shit until they prove their worthiness to be recognized by you. The second one goes against the way I was raised. Unfortunately, it does not seem to go against the way some people were raised.