When a loved one. Has bad health habits

[XanaDUer2]

I saw my mother die from lung cancer after 50 yrs of smoking. She seemed shocked she got lung cancer.

My SO smokes menthol cigarettes. He drinks alcohol and had Barrett esophagus. He takes too much opioids when he gets them.

I feel like he's a big boy. I have to emotionally remove myself from being the health police. Just found an empty pack of menthol cigs. You cannot talk to him about anything. He ate 30 popsicles in 12 hrs. I feel like I'm watching a train wreck. I've given up talking to him abput cancer and diabetes. I expect him to die every day.

AND HE WILL NOT LISTEN. i started to say eating 30 Popsicles in 12 hrs is abnormal, he got testy, i shut up. He's seeing a shrink for insomnia. Its not working out. Nothing ever does. He looks like a ragged-ass bum. He was told eat cold food by his shrink to fight insomnia.
I think he's got an addicts personality, and I'm. Not his mother. I have my own problems.

I'm done

[tanyev]

1. 30 popsicles in 12 hrs may be an indication of cravings caused by

blood sugars that are already way too high. A friend of ours was diagnosed after he could not stop eating gum drops. I guess your SO hasn’t had his blood sugar checked in a while?

Our friend’s wife was so appalled by the gum drop episode she made him go to the doctor. Once he knew he really was diabetic he made diet and lifestyle changes to get it under control.

But that’s difficult if the person is not willing to cooperate. Good luck.

[XanaDUer2]

2. He won't listen

I've stopped saying anything. Adults make their own choices

[SWBTATTReg]

3. This is still hard to deal w/, even though you say "you're done" in dealing w/ his addictive personality.

But, be sure to take care of yourself. From what I gathered in your post, it sounds like you are. Perhaps join a support group that can lend you at least their ears, and perhaps more, to help you through the rough spots that happen, when you are trying to help or give a helping hand. My best to you, and I feel like you have the support of those here on DU, should you need it. Take care.

[XanaDUer2]

4. DU is wonderful

I actually just told him that its bad enough he smokes, so why smoke menthol? But it won't matter. He'll keep smoking menthol. I'm trying so hard to keep quiet. I told him I'm already researching funeral cremations. Which I am. I want a cheap cremation, then I'll decide what to do with the ashes.

He's 71 and constantly talks about his mother being 98 now. But life isn't like that. Its just so selfish.

[XanaDUer2]

5. To expand

I've heard all the arguments on smoking : helps kill pain/ more addictive than heroin/ helps calm.the nerves, AND I DO NOT CARE.
My mother died at 60, never got retirement minus her last yr alive. She died raging and crying and disbelieving she got lung cancer. This was Florida, and her drs were terrible, but she put herself in that position.

I'm 58. Since a kid, I always knew lung cancer would taker her out. I begged her to stop. But, she always chose cigarettes. She stopped post terminal diagnosis, ans said had she known it was so easy, she would have stopped sooner. Genius. Too late.

So, this is triggering for me. He does all sorts of dangerous things, I'll leave out the details. I'm going to end up with a cold morning corpse, or months-long ICU unit. We're not married. In my state, spouses are responsible for unpaid medical bills. I'm not going there, sorry, i have to look out for myself.

He tells me he's not getting good health care here. I have nothing to say to that. Just so angry and frustrated.

ETAi just had to ask her drs? What caused this? 100% smoking. FAFO

[XanaDUer2]

6. And the other stupid smoking arguments

Everyone did it and drs recommended it and actors smoked and no one knew. Sorry. Reams of evidence came out by the 70s why cigarettes are deadly. And yet here we are...smokers still smoking.

[OldBaldy1701E]

7. I am sorry XanaDUer2.

In times like this, I always remember this song.

You can't make him do anything. But, you can distance yourself somewhat so that you don't suffer all the mental anguish and hurt. As you said, you are not his mother. If this person cannot see that they are causing you pain and/or anguish, then you just have to do what you can and let nature take its course. Some people (my father was one) just will not stop being self destructive.

[XanaDUer2]

8. Thaks

Yes He drank a bunch of beer yesterday and I kept my mouth shut. He does crazy things constantly. He seems to think bc his mother is olld, that means he will live to 100.