I can't reach a decision about Thanksgiving

[Siwsan]

My nephew and his wife are hosting it, this year. Truthfully, I have zero desire to celebrate it. For one thing, I have no appetite. Right now I'm living on eggs and soup. If I'm uncomfortable I get esophageal spasms when I eat, which is a nightmare. I'm still not recovered from, and can't move past the disaster that happened on Nov 5. I've stopped watching the news and avoid any news web sites. I get an occasional glance of stuff on DU but quickly move on to a non political forum but my anxiety and stress are still considerable, despite taking my 'chill pill' every day. Loud noises and conversations are a big anxiety trigger and when my family is having fun, they are LOUD.

Not to mention my former brother-in-law, from whom I've been estranged for the last 5 years, will be there. I'll just say the estrangement had to do with his behavior after my sister died. I found it to be disrespectful towards her, and later towards me. We've had one cordial meeting, around Labor Day, but I realized that I just no longer felt like he is 'family'. Now he's more of a casual acquaintance.

I guess I could drive and leave if I start to feel uncomfortable, but that would involve driving home, in the dark, from an unfamiliar area.

The closer it gets, the more I think going would be a mistake. The kids say they will understand if I don't go.

[Ocelot II]

1. If I were you I'd stay home with the cats. You can always count on cats

to love you - relatives, not so much. And if you're anxious and can't even enjoy the food, it would be a miserable experience. Send your regrets, buy or make a nice meal for yourself and some special treats for the kitties, and relax.

[SharonAnn]

2. When in doubt, don't go. Don't ask me how I learned that.

[ms liberty]

5. I can agree with this, including the don't ask why part. Sigh.

[marble falls]

3. Join in a church or publicly sponsored Thansgiveing, usually free or love offering. You'll meet some very ...

... nice like minded folks.

For example - https://unitedwayaustin.org/20-free-thanksgiving-meals-in-greater-austin/

I know you aren't in Austin, but I just "googled" Austin free thanksgiving meal.

Call the local senior center.

Don't sit home alone with soup and eggs! Or take your soup and eggs with you!

[Ocelot II]

7. The OP indicated a problem with food and digestion in general.

A community meal won't help that situation. Might make it even more uncomfortable.

[marble falls]

12. The agrivation is from their family, and the suggestion was take the eggs and soup with them JIC.

[KT2000]

4. Did you see the sports guy

at the table taking press questions after the game. They asked him a question and he just said "I want to go home to my cat. I have cats." Was at a gathering this week and a neighbor all of a sudden said he had to leave to be with his new kitten.
The cosmos has sent us angels to help us get through and I am grateful and I know you are too. Rejuvenate with the kitties and be kind to yourself.

[Basso8vb]

6. I don't really want to go, but I haven't seen my nephews in a long time.

Luckily, the whole family despises the tangerine shitgibbon, so at least that won't be an issue.

[Polly Hennessey]

8. Don't go, Siwsan. Your mental and emotional health are far

more important than Thanksgiving 2024. You have the KidCats to comfort you and they would be happier with you being home.

Remember you have DU friends who are experiencing the same stomach churning emotions. I am limiting myself to certain forums: food, pets, fiction. I will peek at the others quickly but do not linger.

[onecaliberal]

9. Trust your gut.

Hugs. Please take care of yourself.

[LoisB]

10. If in doubt, don't.

[FirstLight]

11. Go with your intuition...

Im alone for the first time this holiday season... And was invited to a gathering with friends. But id only know the couple I'd be attending with and vaguely know the hostess. And being one year sober i just don't want to be surrounded by others drinking...

So im gonna make my own little something, set a place for my deceased parents and maybe do a little face time with one of the kids...
Im not feeling festive either. So we can gather here on DU and try to find some cheer...
Hugs

[FalloutShelter]

13. Mr. and I were unexpectedly freed up from our obligation to

visit my Brother and SIL in North Jersey, because they are going to my niece's new in-laws for dinner.
We were frankly thrilled to dodge the bullet of my brother's Libertarian take on all of this, not to mention that we haven't spent one single holiday in the last forty years without having to spend four hours in the car on the highway.

My kids, who go to inlaws, found out that we would be alone and wrangled us an invitation there....*sigh*
To make matters worse... we are vegetarians... in my case for 50 years... and everyone worries about what to feed us.

Anyway... we decided to join them for coffee and dessert. I'm bringing an apple crumble.

Felt like a good solution and I don't dread Thursday. Maybe something like this could work for you?

[usonian]

14. If you want an excuse that "both sides" of the great wall of division will understand ...

Say that you just got a covid booster and are feeling ill.

The nice people will understand and agree.
The magats will find perverse happiness,

and you'll be safer both from a vaccination and exposure point of view.

I am almost 76 and I have always celebrated every day of good health, feeling that these "special" days shouldn't be so special.
Life's to be celebrated and shared every day.

But most people are busy making themselves miserable the other 360 or so.
Gratitude and friendship should be the "everyday" joy and not the expensive exception.

And people think I'm weird.
Well, guess what?

[CousinIT]

15. Yea it sounds like a stay home with the kitties day.

That would be what I'd do!

[somethingshiny]

16. Don't go!

I think you should make a firm decision right now to stay home, because the indecision is in itself a huge source of anxiety. (Been there)

[XanaDUer2]

17. I wouldn't drive home in the dark

Don't go. Stay with the cats

[wendyb-NC]

18. Going doesn't sound enjoyable, at all

You know what your needs are. If you're not able to eat regular food, you won't feel ok at your nephew's, surrounded by Turkey and all the trimmings and sides. You might try some food and regret it, if it has been causing pain to eat.. Bow out gracefully, and tell them you will another time.

Take it easy, you can rest and/or find something enjoyable to do at home, like a good book or some fun movies to watch. Take care, Siwsan, your comfort and feeling at ease are the most important thing. You can give yourself a break this Thanksgiving. Take care and peace.

[scarletlib]

19. Just be honest and tell them you are not feeling well & it's better if you just stay home.

Last edited Tue Nov 26, 2024, 08:26 AM - Edit history (1)

If it’s possible you could send them flowers or wine or a gift basket.

[Ziggysmom]

20. I'd stay home and watch cat videos with the fur babies!

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