Letter I wrote to my cousin, severing the very last link between me and my family of origin forever.

[LiberalLoner]

I moved far away when I turned 18, to get away from my father, my mother, my sister, my brother.

I had been hurt enough.

And it worked. I only had a very rare phone call from my sister to endure, and nothing from my brother, and little from my father and mother.

Then the internet came around and shitty shitty Char Char and my monster of a father, figured out how to use the on-line world to hurt me.

I no longer had a safe amount of distance between myself and them.

And they used all of you, and my nieces and nephew, and Stephen Stills and David Crosby, and all of their trolls, to harm me and nearly drive me to suicide.

All of that even while I was undergoing treatment for cancer, because all of you hate me so fucking much, you don’t have one drop of empathy.

So now I am hiding again. Not posting. Not answering my phone. Shutting every path any of you could use to harm me further.

I survived. Again.

[XanaDUer2]

2. Best of luck

Watch out for yourself

[LiberalLoner]

3. Thank you. Yeah, there are a lot of people in the world who want me dead, I know.

[LiberalLoner]

4. How are you doing these days? 💙💙💙

[XanaDUer2]

5. First, thanks for asking

Pain, cost, bullshit, denial, fear, wanting to move on desperately.

Want out of this state. Want a fresh start in a place I'll be happier. May have to do that alone. Reviewing ppl in my life . I need to learn to not overshare, but my homelife is not supportive.

Glad I have DU.

[LiberalLoner]

6. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you are still here though and haven't given up hope for a happier future.

The dental stuff, yeah. I have dental surgery next week.

Expensive, painful.

Life has some sucky times in it for sure.

I’m just waiting to die, myself, because I don’t have the courage to check out.

I’m sorry you also have enemies around you. That sucks.

Had a trip to Tucson last week that was wonderful. Not nearly as cold. Smelled orange blossoms on a tree and listened to coyotes sing only hundreds of feet away (or less). Watched the shadows on the mountains. It was nice.

I had a couple of days where I felt like life was worth living.

That’s the best I’ve come to expect from life.

[XanaDUer2]

7. Honestly, I feel like that too

Sometimes. I just want to check out. I googled how to. Its sad and scary. I just feel like I don't have the energy to go on.

[LiberalLoner]

8. I'm sorry.

I wish I had something I could say that would make things better.

It’s been a long winter, hasn’t it?

💙💙💙💙

[XanaDUer2]

9. It has

I'm not in a good place

[XanaDUer2]

10. Adistressing thing happened

And I can't share it with relatives bc they'll say something mean and critical or that theyre busy etc. So, that's pretty much where I stand in Life.

I'll bet you bent over backwards for your family, too.

[LiberalLoner]

11. I did. And the more I tried to be nice to them, the more they were rude and cruel and dismissive of me.

I’m sorry that happened to you, too.

Makes you feel pretty alone in the world.

[XanaDUer2]

12. Oh yeah I'm alone

I live with someone and I'm still alone.

I've sent money to one for food and electricity. I think I was supposed to co-sign a big-ass loan there. No. I've traveled hrs to nurse one. I kept one from being homeless and supported even during an outrageous situation.

See, I got problems now, and I'm not mainstream anymore. Well, neither are several of them.

[LiberalLoner]

13. I'm sorry.

I’m baking some banana bread.

Wish I could send you a slice of it, still warm from the oven.

[XanaDUer2]

14. Me too

Enjoy

[LiberalLoner]

15. Thank you. I had a laugh today...wrote my husband, that

For two dudes who wrote about peace all the time, they sure were eager to take away my peace, forever.

[XanaDUer2]

16. Listen, some of the biggest hypocrites

Are these peace-and love crew. Fuck em if they can't take a joke

[LiberalLoner]

17. Seems like it, at times.

Ultra wealthy powerful people in general lack empathy. I’ve seen studies showing that.

[LiberalLoner]

18. Hey, I just saw a beautiful male bluebird, here to eat some of the suet I put out.

I always feel like every time I see one of those birds, it is a blessing.

[XanaDUer2]

19. I sometimes see cardinals here

They seem to be slowly disappearing

[LiberalLoner]

20. One thing I love about Tucson (hoping to move there some day) is they have more birds there

Than any other place on earth outside of the rainforests.

And coyotes! I love coyotes!

[XanaDUer2]

22. I'm sorry

You've really been through it. My situation is different. No one wants me dead and I don't want anyone dead. I just wish I had a better support system now I'm having a problem. Oh, well.

I need to set some goals and change what I'm doing, I guess. Goal 1, if I can, get better. Goal 2, find my own place. Goal 3 stop apologizing constantly and set boundaries. Goal 4 try to reduce anxiety. 5. Raise self esteem stop thinking I'm garbage.

[LiberalLoner]

23. I'm so sorry for all you have been through. I am so lucky in that my husband supports me and

Is 100% thrilled and relieved I have finally gone no contact with my family of origin.

They are truly toxic.

Those sound like really good goals. Especially remember you are important, you are smart, you are kind and those qualities are in short supply!

Just the fact that you have a conscience places you high above at least half the population, I think.

I’m glad you are here on DU. Thank you for talking to me.

I hope you are feeling okay today!

I woke up with a cold so I may not be able to get the dental surgery that was planned for this coming Wednesday morning. And we had to cancel a visit with our dear friends, the only liberal leaning friends we have (since most of our other friends we know through the Army) and I’m really sad about that, but otherwise, I have a bed to sleep in, food to eat, a husband who loves me, a doctor when I need one, a dentist when I need one. I am luckier than 99% of the world, that way.

[XanaDUer2]

24. Thank you

I hope you feel better. Ty for bucking me up.

When I try to express fear and, frankly, indignation at the cost I hear
" its your fault for going for treatment" ( !!!) Omg. I couldn't imagine telling an injured person who got hurt by chemo that!

"I told you so"

" I'm in (far-away city) visiting ( person). " Ok shut up and don't bug me. Not even a promised text asking how I was post surgery.

My favorite "it's psychiatric" ( no)

Hoping there will eventually be a light at the end of this tunnel.

[LiberalLoner]

25. I'm so sorry. It's clear you are being massively abused in a psychological sense. I wish you could

Be protected from them.

💙💙💙💙

[XanaDUer2]

29. The psychiatric one I ended

Please do not diagnose me. Maybe they thought they were helping. IDC. Even for me, Ms-talk-to-me-any-rude-way-you-want I'll take it, that was too much. I'm setting boundaries.

[ret5hd]

26. a little justin just for you:

[LiberalLoner]

27. So cool! Thanks! 💙💙💙

[LiberalLoner]

28. The craziest thing was, David Crosby and Stephen Stills joining in with my family to try to bully me into suicide.

My sister especially has always hated me since the day I was born, and is the most manipulative evil person I personally know.

I’m sure she told them all kinds of lies to get them motivated to harm me so deeply.

And the rest of my family hates me just because I am not like them and got away from the toxic family system, so I became a scapegoat.

Well, as my husband tells me several times a day now, “just be glad you got away from them…and be proud of yourself that you were strong enough to do so.”

Stephen Stills isn’t sending trolls telling me to kill myself anymore, so maybe he figured out what toxic sociopaths my family members are, finally, and realized he was persecuting someone who did not deserve to be bullied into suicide.

I still think about suicide daily, but at the same time I feel myself growing stronger with every day away from my family of origin.
I feel stronger now that I have told all of them off for being such cruel evil monsters.

[LiberalLoner]

31. My husband said, if your family did this cyberbullying to you, you are far better off without them, anyway.

I know he is right.