I'm staying alive for my dog and my cat

[BlueKota]

because I made a commitment to take care of them and I intend on keeping it.

I have come to regret , however, that I was revived after a near death experience in 2007. I think I have written about it here before, long story short it was due to a doctor error that caused my blood pressure to drop to the point where my heart and breath stopped temporarily.

I know many don't believe in an afterlife and I am okay with that. All I can tell you is even though in reality I was lying on a cold side walk in March, I felt warmth and saw I was lying in a field of sunflowers. I looked up at the sun and felt myself rising towards it. I had never felt more loved and at peace before or after. The words I am going home kept repeating in my head.

I snapped out of it when I heard my Mom and my sister begging me not to leave them. My Mom died a year later.

All I can think is it sucks that I am now stuck in a world that resembles the one I read about in history books, and made me so scared of and angry at the inhumanity of some of the human race. I thought by studying history and sharing what I learned, I could maybe play a small part in helping us never to go down that road again, but no one listens, and here we are heading that way again. I feel powerless, useless and terrified, and can't help but think if I had just let go then, I wouldn't have to witness my worst fears coming true.

[hlthe2b]

1. I think you have a large crowd feeling similarly about our current situation...

What a beautiful remembrance. No wonder you question the struggles of today as opposed to the blissful sunflower-filled memory and the "what-if."

May your dog and cat, friends, and DU family bring you some peace. For everyone else, too.

[BlueKota]

30. Thank you

[crimycarny]

2. I lost my son in 2022

My son died by suicide in January of 2022. He was very much into politics (loved Bernie Sanders) and that is something we talked about every day.

I regret every second of every day that I didn't realize the pain he was in (he hid it well behind humor.) I know that what is going on right now in our world would be extremely hard on him.

Though I so understand where you are coming from with the terror and feeling a sense of powerlessness and uselessness, I know my son would have felt the same, I have to tell you that your story of an NDE gives me hope that when my son left this world he was enveloped in pure love. It gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, I'll see him again when it's my time to go.

[Clouds Passing]

7. Hugs and tears

I lost my son to a fentanyl overdose in 2023. He loved Bernie too. He was in pain too.

Your son My son

[LoisB]

9. I am so sorry.

[crimycarny]

11. I'm so sorry

On my walks, I often listen to a YouTube channel Fentynal Awareness Series. I can relate to the unexpected and sudden loss. You don't get a chance to say goodbye. It's the worst.

You are forever changed when you lose a child.

[Clouds Passing]

24. Yes, we are never the same. I am so sorry for your loss.

The guilt

[LoisB]

8. I am so sorry about your son. No greater pain than losing a child.

[crimycarny]

12. No greater pain

Yes, there is no greater pain than losing a child. No one can understand unless it has happened to them. It's every parent's worst nightmare, and the reality is far far worse than even my worst imagination of what it would be like.

[LoisB]

14. You are right. One would have to have experienced it to truly understand. I watched my

brother and a cousin go through that agony.

[BlueKota]

31. I am sorry for your loss.

I dont know if this helps but from my perspective the pain of depression is hard to detect or define. Sometimes those of us who suffer from it aren't even aware of just how deep we are sinking in it, until we hit bottom. I have had to be hospitalized because of it multiple times even after I started treatment. I know the red alert symptoms, and what I am supposed to do when they start, but sometimes even that didn't help. You clearly loved your son and I guarantee he knew that and it mattered.

I do believe a 100 percent we will see those we love again.

[crimycarny]

50. Thank you so much

We have a real problem in our society and even our medical community in the way we think of mental illness. It's the only human disease I know of that is viewed as somehow "fixable" by the very organ that is causing it. Telling someone suffering from depression to somehow magically change their thoughts to more positive, less anxiety, etc. is like telling someone suffering from an asthma attack to 'just breathe'.

It was on DU that I learned about the Stanford SAINT study, now approved by the FDA. (Unfortunately too late for my son.) It's a targeted form of TMS that uses an MRI to get the exact area of the brain to treat. It also uses stronger magnetic pulses and over a shorter period of time. Stanford observed an 80% remission in major depression (MDD), and with no drugs (most in the study were treatment-resistant). Stanford found that in 75% of those suffering MDD, the flow of information between two key areas responsible for the sense of well-being was literally reversed from the brains of those not suffering from MDD. After the TMS treatments that flow was restored back to normal and people felt an immediate relief. One man in his 60s who went through the study said he noticed when he was walking his dog that he felt a sense of contentment and peace, something he had never felt before in his entire life.

That study, to me anyway, proves it's an organic issue going on in the brain, not the "fault" of the person suffering feelings of despondency, self-loathing, and the other horrible symptoms that go along with depression. We need to study depression like we do cancer or any other human disease.

Sorry for the long post. I appreciate you giving me your perspective as someone who suffers from depression.

[oldsoldierfadingfast]

53. Working as an ER charge nurse...

for many years, I have witnessed many deaths and near deaths.
I have also heard many stories from those who were successfully resuscitated and can find no reason to not believe them.
BlueKota, your description fits perfectly with theirs.
To those of you who have lost a child who was in pain (mental, emotional and/or physical) WILL reunite with that child again and in a better place, according to what I was told.
One patient told me that the first ones to greet him were his dog and cat as they could run faster than his family and friends.
There were just TOO MANY same or similar stories not to believe.

[BlueKota]

55. I saw a special Josh Gates did on the Discovery Channel

where he interviewed people who had near death experiences. I was amazed to hear all of them from all different walks of life mentioning the light, love, peace and above all that they were going home. It was the exact same way I had felt.

One woman who had lost her son to cancer at a young age said she saw him, for a brief moment before she was revived and that he told her it wasn't her time yet, but he loved her, and would see her again when it was.

Also when my Mom was in her last days due to the fact that her leukemia was no longer in remission, a nurse who had been sitting with Mom told us she often kept a notepad with her to write down things that patients in and out of consciousness nearing the end would say, in case it would mean something to their loved ones.

She said my Mom kept saying, "I don't know what to do Kay and Bill." Kay was my Aunt Kay, my Mom's oldest sibling. Don't get me wrong my Mom loved her parents, my Dad, my sister and I and the rest of her family, but it was clear Aunt Kay, was the person she loved most. Her grief was beyond measure when my cousin called to say Aunt Kay was gone. Bill was my mother's nephew from her other sister Pauline. He had died two years before of stomach cancer. Once my cousin got married and had his own family we never saw him much, so it would make no sense that if she were just dreaming, why she'd be talking to Bill. To me and my sister it gave more credence to the possibility that Bill and Aunt Kay were somehow actually with her.

[stoned]

3. I too know where I am going when I leave this place

and I really can't wait to get there.

[BlueKota]

32. My maternal grandmother died at our home.

I wasn't there my Mom had sent me to stay at my Aunt's because she was a nurse, and she knew the signs Grandma was near the end. My sister was four years older, and she wanted to be there to help care for Mom and grandma so my Mom let her stay.

Both of them told me as our priest was performing last rites, my grandma raised one of her arms like she was reaching for an extended hand and said , the beautiful light. I go home now in Italian. Then she passed.

[stoned]

52. That's beautiful

God bless your grandmother and your family

[Deuxcents]

4. O, my dear Friend.I wish I could wrap my arms around you and tell you that you are loved ((🥰))

Instead I’m sending this message to you across the miles and want you to know how much you are loved and appreciated. This chaos has most of us anxious about the world we’re living in and just what the future is gonna look like but we can only control ourselves and even that has its bumps. Please take care of yourself as you’ve got little ones depending on you and we want to hear from you

[BlueKota]

33. Thank you.

My cat is semi feral. She used to live in an old barn on our property until it had to be torn down because it was structurally unsafe. We built a new shed for the cats that lived in the barn but only one of them named Hissy stayed.

It took awhile but I finally got her to let me sit with her and pet her but she runs away if anyone else tries to get near her. So I know she needs me.

Also my German Shepherd is sweet to everyone normally accept the staff at the vets because his fear takes over, but I don't know who could take him. My sister has a friend's little dog who she takes care of at least once a week, and the friend has been diagnosed with cancer. I am pretty sure if he is uncureable he will leave the dog to her and I am not sure she could take on Dakota too, if I weren't here. The other people I had hoped to leave him with, if I were to pass, have had their circumstances change and wouldn't be able to take him either. Even the rescue group who fostered German Shepherds specifically folded after their main leader died of cancer. So I know he needs me.

[Clouds Passing]

5. BlueKota, I believe.

When you’ve had beautiful spiritual experiences, such as yours, coming back to this world feels like a huge letdown.

I had a profound dream in 1981 shortly around the time reagan was inaugurated that the notsees were coming to get me. I saw a photograph of the German countryside way after I had a dream and it was exactly the same as in my dream. I had no idea that I would be living in notseeville 44 years later. It’s very disturbing.

Grow your inner light, peace, compassion, love, grace, warmth, sunflowers just like in your dream. Do it now while you’re still here. I think that’s our larger purpose for being here at this time.

🌻🌞

[LiberalLoner]

6. I'm so sorry we are living in such awful times. I think staying alive because of love is as good a reason as any

That I can think of.

I had a white light dream like your nde and other NDEs. I did feel like I was home there and felt safe for the first time. So much love and understanding.

It’s hard to know we are living in the battlefield, and want to go back home where we are safe. We will be back there soon.

It’s hard in the meantime though, I know.

[BlueKota]

34. Thank you!

It's so hard to watch everything that I was taught to believe was right and good like equality, compassion, helping others, being labeled as evil, and everything evil like racism and greed being celebrated as good by far too many.

I am struggling so hard to cope that this has become the reality we are now living in.

[LiberalLoner]

37. (((Hugs))). I feel shell shocked lately. It's hard. But I see a strong resistance growing now, too. 💙💙💙

[LoisB]

10. I think we are all terrified but never think you are powerless and certainly not useless.

[BlueKota]

35. Thank you.

[EverHopeful]

13. My cousin and I have started ending our phone calls with

"We will survive this."

I highly recommend Maria Ressa's How to stand Up to a Dictator.

Although I know I'll never have even the tiniest fraction of her courage, it helps to read about it.

Depressing as it is, we have to stick around to do whatever we can to stop the destruction and to be here for the rebuilding.

Plus the cats need me to open the cans

[BlueKota]

36. Thank you.

I will check out the book. So true about cats and cans. 😁

[FoxNewsSucks]

16. I feel the same.

My oldest dog is probably 15, and while she's doing very good now I can see her days are numbered. I don't know what I'll do without her. I got her almost twelve years ago.

I got a second dog, also a shelter mutt, in July of 2023. She will be 2 in May. It occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't have adopted her since I have to stay around to take care of her. I suppose I subconsciously realized when I got her that I needed a reason to stay around after the older one goes.

[BlueKota]

38. The companionship of pets certainly helps.

One of my dogs Riggs passed away a few years after I was diagnosed with depression. My Mom was heart broken because she and Riggs were bonded like glue. She didn't want us to get another one because the pain of loosing him was hard for her.

My therapist actually called her and said, "I understand your pain, but your daughter needs to have a dog to make her feel safe and needed. She loved Riggs and misses him to , but she told me he and the cats, are her main source of purpose in life. She needs them." My Mom listened and let me get Maxie, who helped me get through loosing my Mom. Then after Maxie passed, I got Marnie, and after she passed my Dakota. I have accepted he will be my last shepherd because now my sister and I are both in our sixties it's getting kind of difficult to handle a big dog. If Dakota where younger I am not sure we could still do it. He's six. I hope he stays with me for a number of years. I am open towards adopting a smaller one, if I outlive him, but I am particularly in love with GSDs because they have always made me feel so safe and loved.

[JMCKUSICK]

17. I'm your brother BlueKota

As I gaze lovingly at My 14 y/o Petunia and fully embrace that she was my reason for living for some of those years.
The Soul of DU is vibrant, powerful and filled with the kind of love that fosters life.
Please accept what you can from us.
With love,
John

[BlueKota]

40. Thank you so much.

[Karadeniz]

18. NDEs are more real than this dimension. I had a nonNDE (i took a nap!) and

mine involved a different dimension than where most NDEs occur. It can take quite a while to be reconciled to having to spend more years on this planet than we want to, but latch onto your knowledge of a better world and accept the challenge of trying to improve this world in accordance with the love and safety you were privileged to catch a glimpse of. With privilege comes responsibility!!!

[BlueKota]

41. Thank you.

I am trying to keep speaking out

[JoseBalow]

19. There are many other worthy animals that would benefit from your love and care

Something I hope you might consider.

[BlueKota]

39. I definitely will consider it.

My older sister who has to help me financially and with transportation said she is open to letting me get another dog and cat, if something were to happen to either Dakota or Hissy. She said there is only one stipulation is that it has to be a small dog because a big dog is hard to lift and control as we get older.

I get her point but Shepherds have been part of my life since I was five, I am not sure how it's feel without having one in my life anymore.

[ms liberty]

20. I have a husband and an 11 year old g-neice I'm guardian of now

Mr liberty and I were talking about it, and then we took on the child, so I'm here for a few years, at least.

[BlueKota]

42. Your niece is lucky to have you.

[RainCaster]

21. We have two dogs that keep us sane

Their joy and love have helped us tremendously during these trying times.

[BlueKota]

43. They are the best medicine

[hamsterjill]

22. I have a cat sanctuary.

I did rescue for over 40 years and a few years back, we stopped any intake, consolidated all of the cats that we had rescued and had in TNR colonies, and started planning. My family had been saving for years to buy some rural property. That dream became a reality in 2023. I've had the opportunity to build a cat sanctuary, and all of my (many!!!) kiddos are here. Safe and protected in a large enclosed catio area with a heated and cooled building that they can access during weather events.

I have people trying to get me to take in more cats all the time, and some get really angry that I won't take any more. "It's just ONE cat" is always the plea.

But like you, my goal is stay alive to take care of these kiddos so that I don't leave them for someone else to have to care for. They know me and love me, and I love THEM. My responsibility is to them.

There are countless mornings that I get up and think "why bother", and then I remember that these kiddos depend on me.

I can't believe we are living in such treacherous, stressful, unbelievable times. We have no choice. So we do the best we can one step at a time. Thank you for thinking of YOUR babies.

[BlueKota]

44. Thank you for being a rescuer, and for staying

to care for the kitties in your charge.

[Permanut]

23. Glad you're here, Bluekota.

Truly. You are showing great strength and courage in sharing your story, as witnessed by the many poignant and powerful replies here.

You represent the soul of this remarkable little community.

Thank you.

[BlueKota]

45. Thank you so much.

[LSparkle]

25. I almost died during surgery in late 2022 ...

I’ve often felt like every day after that has been extra time ... but since November I’ve often wished I could just have gone home then. I didn’t have as detailed an experience as you did but I definitely felt warmth and relief — not fear. I had been in such pain that I was thankful that was gone. Now all I feel is fear and I’m so worried that pain is coming back too. Please God make this all stop ...

[CountAllVotes]

28. Make it stop indeed

n/t

[BlueKota]

46. I pray every night for it to stop.

I understand the concept of free will and the argument that even God can't force people to be good, but I wish there were enough harmful consequences to them, to make them want to stop hurting others who never did anything wromg to them

[CountAllVotes]

27. Here for my solitary cat too

Same situation in a different way.

I died in 2009 and came back.

I woke up in a hospital room hooked up to blood, lots of blood. I was dying of peritonitis.

And then, there they were! My mother and my father in their mid-50's looking oh so well, healthy and concerned!

I called for a priest to come and read me my Last Rites just in case, just in case it was true and that I needed to be forgiven for the wrongs committed in my life if I died . So came a priest who assured me I would not die!

The priest looked at me again and then remembered me and that I'd come to him a few months before this time and told him I thought I was going to die. He seemed shocked and apologized for questioning my reason for wanting Last Rites. It is not in my character to do things of this nature, believe me.

So I got them read to me and managed to eventually get home after weeks in the hospital and lots more blood.

I cannot say the after life was beautiful or anything like that. If anything, it seemed quite boring but , Mom and Dad sure looked good!

So much for my very boring "afterlife" and was sure happy to see my two cats!

Good reason to stick around.

[BlueKota]

47. It's good the priest came to understand and

that your parents brought you joy and now your cat.

My sister told me even though I frustrate the heck out of her, and is impatient with me, doesn't mean she doesn't love me or wouldn't miss me, if I were gone, or that her life would be easier without me. She said she's impatient with everyone so I shouldn't take it personally. She is generous to a fault, but she is impatient with everyone, and doesn't understand we normal human beings can't keep up. She said she's scared too but there's nothing we can do, so just hang on to each other, and just enjoy each day until we can't anymore.

[applegrove]

29. Stay here on the DU and fight, fight, fight!!!

[BlueKota]

48. Thank you. I will try my best to fight.

[applegrove]

49. We are in this together!!

[FM123]

51. We are here for you too.

[BlueKota]

54. Thank you!

[OldBaldy1701E]

56. For me, it is my husband.

The one human being (outside of here, but I married him long before I had heard of the site) who has not betrayed/turned on/walked out on/used and abandoned me in the 60+ years I have been around.

I have survived four attempts, mainly because I was stupid and probably subconsciously trying to sabotage them anyway. (Not the last one, that one was serious and it was only a fluke that saved me.) I know I am incapable of doing myself in without a serious trigger. However, this body seems willing to spare me the dilemma of figuring out how to finally do it. Which is part and parcel of my luck. Now that I finally have someone special, I am too far gone to be able to provide for anyone, and will be ashes in an urn soon enough.

As that old 'Hee Haw' tune went, "If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!" I have had one exception to that.

One.