My wife has finally been diagnosed with NPD

[DenaliDemocrat]

She is covert with BPD traits. It’s been 25 years of emotional abuse. We tried therapy but it didn’t work, which I guess makes sense now.

I feel compassion but also hot rage. It was NOT “my perspective” nor me being “overly sensitive”, it was narcissism. I’m mad for all the lost years.

I might divorce but she is shocked by her diagnosis and says she’s committed to getting better.

[Clouds Passing]

1. Hugs for your struggles..

[marble falls]

2. It can change for the better, but I also get your anger. Do what you need to get your joy back.

[bucolic_frolic]

3. Negotiate good boundaries that work for both of you. Communication is key.

[SWBTATTReg]

4. Good luck and best wishes on your efforts to deal w/ her NPD. It's not fun to deal w/, I haven't had to deal w/

a full-blown case of NPD in those I've dealt w/ over the years, but some people came awful close to the definition of being an NPD person. From the numerous videos I've seen on YouTube, these NPD persons stir up their families to untold amounts of grief and damage to the family group and it takes a major effort to deal w/ these cases.

A lot of these cases the damaged individuals impacted negatively by those NPD affected persons often times leave the relationship, as it's often times the only solution to resolve all of the issues involved w/ dealing w/ persons impacted by NPD. Therapy is many times recommended but that's assuming such NPD persons recognize their disorders, often times they do not.

[DenaliDemocrat]

6. I am guilty of reactive abuse

Mostly because you can’t have boundaries with a narcissist. They simply ignore them.

[johnnyfins]

5. I am dealing with this issue

Not my spouse, but someone close. It is difficult. Don't let your anger over lost time rule what you do with the time you have left.

[alwaysinasnit]

7. ...

[multigraincracker]

8. Have you looked into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)?

Research has shown that it can be very a helpful technique for NPD. It can give helpful ways to adopt healthier ways of thinking. It can be combined with psychotherapy and medication.
Best of luck and stay with it.

[OnDoutside]

9. Sorry for your troubles

My brother is currently going through the divorce process with his wife who has undiagnosed BPD, and it's a terrible time. He was hoping to limp through for another 12 months or so until their son finishes High School, but she triggered the divorce and it has caused a mess. The stress of living in the same house has resulted in him tripping out twice and ending up in hospital. Some of the stuff has been horrendous.

The main positive in your case is that your wife recognises her condition. I don't know how well NPD can be managed but knowing what it is perhaps allows you both to understand the triggers. If it doesn't work out, go live your life if it's financially possible for you to do so. All the best

[LoisB]

10. I wish you and your wife well.

[OAITW r.2.0]

11. I lasted 32 years married.

She threw me out and I told her....there ain't no coming back.