I don't feel very good lately.

[backtoblue]

I'm tired of feeling like I'm doing everything wrong. I'm tired of feelings...

For the past few months my outlook on life has plunged into cynicism and loathing. I've always been a glass half full gal and looked at life like it was a river and i was on a kayak riding it's waves through good and bad times.

It's different now. I feel different. I can smile but I'm not happy. It's like being stagnant and rotting inside and some days I actually throw up and have severe headaches.

I've gone to the doc, had some tests run and he prescribed me some anti-depressant. This only makes me feel worse that I'm going to have to take medication, like I'm helpless to myself.

I know I'm not alone and there are others going through bad times. Just had to vent a bit. I'm sure things will get better and I'll feel the sunshine again.

[elleng]

1. Very sorry you're feeling like this.

One thing: Anti-depressants are tools, to help us all cope with difficult times and chemistry. The use of such is very common, everyone has different chemistry and situations which cause discomfort, and simply recognizing our uncomfortable situations helps us take the next steps towards feeling better; we are NOT helpless when we note our unhappiness, and you are not helpless, backtoblue.

[backtoblue]

2. thanks for your kindness elleng

I have this "i'm stronger than this" mentality and it's actually been counter-productive because i've set myself up for disappointment and unattainable personal goals.

Maybe if I looked at things like "i'm strong enough to handle this with a little help" it would be an easier recovery. Thanks again for being so nice and taking the time to read.

[Neoma]

3. Pills are only there to help.

They don't make you helpless. Getting help at all is smarter and saner than what most people do. The other river will be the stigma attached to mental illness.

Might want to get a SAD light. Exercise and taking vitamins also doesn't hurt. Since It's so cold, I can't really run. But hot yoga fixed the exercise problem for me definitely. I'd also try being around people a lot more. I know being down probably makes you want to be like, "fuck people, I hate them!" But isolation is the very last thing you should be doing, and it will only make things worse.

I've noticed lately that the things I dread to do makes me feel better when I end up actually doing them. Finish that book, the laundry, and definitely making the bed if you feel like sleeping all day. Keep a very close watch on your hygiene, most people don't care enough to do it, but it's important. Stay away from depressing music, scary videogames, and yes I gotta say it. Stay off the Internet for awhile. No one has immunity from hearing bad news everyday. Unless you want to watch TED videos I guess, they're kind of uplifting. Also, do something creative with your hands. There can be pride in that. Do something new period.

That was totally a lecture, but that's the basics to try out. You have to actively take care of yourself.

[fizzgig]

4. they're no different than any other type of medication

taken for other types of health conditions, they are tools to help.

do what you can to take care of yourself, get yourself into the sunshine or, as neoma suggested, get a sun lamp. winters can be harder with the shorter days. i am a big fan of a bubble bath with a book when i'm feeling down, or the occasional dinner of ice cream or popcorn.

try to get something done every day, finish the laundry or empty the dishwasher. try to get out of the house, even if it's just to read in a coffee shop for an hour.

i am sorry to hear you're feeling badly, remember to be kind to yourself and that we are here to listen.

[2theleft]

5. I'm really sorry you are feeling bad.

It's a hard decision to take meds to help, but like everyone else said, they are no different than taking meds if you have high blood pressure. Try your hardest to focus on feeling good and confident that your prescription can help with that.

MANY of us have been where you are and can relate. Please let us know how you are doing, how you are adjusting to the new medicine, and when you think you see your first beam of sunshine.

Hugs to you, backtoblue. It won't stay cloudy forever.