hey guys. how is every one?

[mopinko]

considering the slime that has been slithering around these days i am sort of hesitant to post my business here, but…

so, after 32 years and 4+1 kids, many ups and downs, and breakdowns, my marriage is over.
i have really been doing well, which, of course tips co-dependant bs. very happy with meds, and with treatment of some chronic health/pain problems, i am feeling pretty strong. so, i can't do the crazy go round with him any more.
i am quite convinced that he is borderline. he recently admitted to me that he knew there was something wrong with his brain. that there was a switch, where black became white, and he could not stop it.
his brother and i have tried to figure out if he was depressed. it seems that way when he is in the black faze. everyone is evil. out to get him. he engages in incredibly petty sniping in the middle of armageddon.
we went to hawaii in january, and had 10 days of bliss. we got home and he had a rough landing in reality. he went off, and just turned on my in a most viscous and stupid way.
also, he is a vp in a big financial institution. need to say more?
this has gone on and on. i can't do it any more.
i am done.
i am taking care of myself,
i am a free woman.

and the judge will gleefully give me that which he would begrudge me till the day he dies.
of course, he will not leave the house. but it is a big house.
there is plenty of money. i will be fine.

just had to spit it out.

this is a really special place.

[elleng]

1. Thanks for sharing, very sorry for all the aggravation,

and happy you are done, taking care of yourself, and a free woman.

Some crap happening here with older daughter, may share later.

Happy this special place is here.

[mopinko]

2. this is not the first time

that i have shared my ups and downs here. i know we are sisters in shit.
i count this as our third big divorce. a zillion little quakes. no excuses for me. i should have known.

[elleng]

3. Yes, sisters in shit,

and quakes for both of us, mine only ending with his death (after a fairly extended period of peace, well after our separation.)

Just recently considered having SocSec recognize that I got my name back (from divorce from 1st husband, many years ago). Need document from Cook County court, and but for all the other stuff happening here (new grandbaby coming, in MD!,) lived in Chicago 10+ years, I might hop over there and meet you 'actually!'

[mopinko]

4. that would be awesome

let me know if you have trouble. would be happy to help you. clerk of the court is a neighbor.

[elleng]

5. Oh, that's cool!

I found a DUer attorney in the area who can help. I may (or may not) bother, as its rarely an issue. Just need copy of divorce decree, from 1975.

Haven't been back in many years, was a major part of my 'young' adulthood, lived in Hyde Park, went to law school there (after finally deciding what to do with my 'life.')

[mopinko]

6. most of the cook county stuff is online

but let me know.
u of c?

[elleng]

7. Quickly tried to find it online,

without success. 1975.

DePaul.

[angstlessk]

19. The good thing about being married is divorce...when you are just living together

there is no legal way to end the relationship....

[hunter]

8. I've never enjoyed a life that's not twisted in some way.

Oft times it hurts.

It seems like I'm a very lucky human being.

I've never considered myself not "free." That's probably some clueless autistic spectrum disability. Like the relative at family picnics and who stared silently at the ants crawling up and down the trees.

Or a great aunt, subsidized by family, who never went anywhere, living between her apartment and the grocery store. (Sadly, she did not write, or talk much.)

But my fear is that it's the depression thing. Been homeless, been hurting, and times I've felt like dropping dead on the streets wouldn't be such a horrible thing.

I take powerful nasty meds with irritating side effects for that, and they do work, more or less.

[mopinko]

10. well i "haven't worked" in nearly 30 years.

just raised 5 kids, rehabbed an old house, made art, helped elect a president, now building a farm. you know, the life of riley, while the poor old man slaves. with someone so unstable, it is hard to sleep tight.

i am trying hard to retain my compassion, and understand that he cant help his kinks and quirks. i thought that might help, but when someone works as hard as he does to make sure that you are hobbled and wont run away, well…...

[fizzgig]

9. good to hear from you

been thinking on you a lot lately. i'm sorry you're going through this, but we have to take care of ourselves.

been loving the farm updates, btw.

peace and low stress, my friend

[mopinko]

12. thinkin about you too fizz

my kids are grown, my needs are small, there is plenty here for both of us as long as he keeps his job. retirement is well planned as well.

glad you like the farm. it takes you along with it. i don't have to think too much, just watch the seasons and keep up. it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
i have to keep his bullshit out of it. it aint the kind you can grow stuff with.

[polly7]

11. I'm glad you're getting 'your' needs and life straightened out, mopinko.

There really is a time just to say 'no more' - even when compassion makes it so difficult, and you deserve so much better. I hope things work out very well for you and you celebrate a new life filled with happiness and dreams to work toward.

[mopinko]

13. thank you.

the new life is already here, which is probably why this is happening now.
my farm is everything i ever wanted.

[polly7]

14. I'm so glad you have it!

I want to get back to my farm too, it's all I dream about ........ some day!

Enjoy your little piece of heaven!

[mopinko]

15. well, looks like he might move out.

we have a 2 flat that is on the other side of the farm- so 2 doors away.
he says he is planning to tell the 1st floor tenants that we will not renew their lease in may.
as relieved as i will be to get him out, this breaks my heart. (which, of course, he knows) we have a wonderful woman from nigeria and her 2 boys. she is so happy to be there, and treats me like family. now she will have to go out and try to find another decent place that will take 2 black boys. oy.

[mopinko]

18. for those clicking to check this thread- yes, my now ex husband tried to force them out.

and i stopped him. and it wasnt pretty. because, yeah, i'm just a selfish pigs.

yeah, he is taking half the money, and yeah, i am still trying to find a way to help these kids before they end up in the street. even tho the rent money means a lot more to me now. and i prolly screwed the pooch.

and the lease wasnt renewed, the are on a month to month and can be easily legally evicted if that is what i wanted to do.

but what trolls to drag a safe haven forum.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

16. Sounds like congratulations on a new start.

[mopinko]

17. thx

i think so. very very ready