The man I live with has become a MONSTER

[angstlessk]

and someone...in fact a few someones think I'm am being a jerk...because I want to stab him to death

I am looking for help...not judgement

I WANT to stab him..I have NOT stabbed him...can you see the difference???

This man had a sword to my throat tonight and threatened to cut my head off...but I am over the top???

I would love for him to go to a hospital..but he will not...on the other hand..I am very willing...

[ZombieHorde]

1. I hope you go to a shelter tonight if you can get away.

You deserve a good life and I think you should go find someone to help you. I don't know where you live, but you may have a YWCA or something similar with programs or information. Try to get away as soon as it's safe to do so.

[MindMover]

3. Agreed and leave as soon as safely possible

[angstlessk]

5. My 'good life' would be in a cloister nunery...

What I wanted when I was about 10 years old

[angstlessk]

7. Ya know about 20 years ago..I did go to a women's shelter because of him

and as soon as I went home..he broke into my apartment before I could even call the police...

I lived in VA then...had an apartment on Hampton Blvd..he walked from Portsmouth..to the ferry...then to my apartment and broke in...

Then he said if I left him he would murder me, my son and his family......I believed him

[ZombieHorde]

10. He also needs help,

but first you must be away from him. He is beyond your help and he can't help you. Get away.

[JoeyT]

2. From what you said in this post and your other one,

I would think the best solution would be to get to a shelter or a hospital, ASAP. Or a friend or family's house, anywhere else you have to go that's safe.

[angstlessk]

4. I have saved all the women's shelters in Detroit

Most are for families...or homeless...I am neither..

[A Little Weird]

12. The homeless shelter I volunteered for

The homeless shelter I volunteered for was also affiliated with a domestic violence shelter. If a woman called in with a dangerous situation like that, we referred her to a hotline where they could help get her in the DV shelter. The DV shelter was not advertised anywhere - no internet site, no phone book entry, etc - they don't want abusive boyfriends or husbands to be able to find it. So even if the homeless shelters in your area can't take you, they may be able to direct you to the domestic violence resources.

[Feral Child]

19. Excellent and pertinent information, ALW.

Thanks for posting this.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

6. There is nothing you can do about the man you live with.

You can't force or wait for him to get the help he clearly needs. The only way to change the situation is for you to act. If you are capable of reaching out to us, you are capable of googling women's emergency help groups in your area and getting the help YOU need. The only thing
"over the top" would be you staying with this monster.

[angstlessk]

8. It is an emergency,..thanks for saying that..

[Hell Hath No Fury]

11. It is an emergency.

I have walked beside a girl friend through this process. A domestic violence org will know it is an emergency even if the abuser has moved on to a "calm" period. These folks have a 24/7 crisis line and housing. Call them.

http://www.ywcadetroit.org/our_programs/domestic_violence_services/interim_house.html

[angstlessk]

14. Thank you...he is up...so I will wait till tomorrow

[angstlessk]

9. But an emergency when he is not here..

I have to wair till he is gone...or he will get very violent

[angstlessk]

13. Ya know I don't hate him..I just wish he were not a monster

My perfect scenario...he gets to keep all the money we have saved ..about 20k... cause I can make more..he cannot

after a few years..I will allocate 1/2 my social security to him...so he can survive...beyond that I can do no more

[A Little Weird]

16. You shouldn't have to go through this

What you're going through sounds like a nightmare. In an ideal world, you would get safety and he would get the mental health care he needs. In our reality, it's not clear what to do. I wish I knew of a way to help you.

[elleng]

17. None of this allocation on your part should be necessary,

but a court, should one become involved, will appreciate your kind gesture. He should NOT keep all the money you have saved.

As to social security, that may not be up to you, but up to Social Security. In my opinion, you need not provide anything for him. I would not plan on any kind of continuing relationship with him, considering his drinking (and drugging, if he does so.) His instability sounds permanent to me. (I don't know, of course, I'm just a lawyer.)

[winter is coming]

18. Don't make any decisions or commitments about dividing assets right now.

You may feel differently later on, after you've left his sphere of influence.

[Feral Child]

20. I don't mean to be negative

but you're thinking in the wrong direction.

Worrying about what happens after you escape will delay escaping. It's a deflection that keeps you from taking action.

The hardest part of leaving a bad domestic situation is actually leaving. The co-dependency is self-defeating and you need to get out right now!

[Gravitycollapse]

15. Leave immediately. Not later. Not tomorrow. Not in a week. Now.

In situations like this, there can be no possible positive outcome by sticking around. It is extremely dangerous to think otherwise.

You must leave. I am not suggesting this to you. I am telling you that you have to leave. Take what you need the most and get out. Get as far away as you possibly can.

[secondwind]

21. As a former DV counselor, I can tell you that this is not a matter of IF he will do something... it

is a matter of when.

You should make a plan to leave the home, start storing away your valuables, like passport, etc. keep them all in one place.... However long it takes, just know that you will DO this at some point, and hopefully it will be soon.

Be prepared to break all ties with mutual friends, etc. Oh, and once you are out, maybe you should talk to someone to figure out why you were living with someone who was a threat to your life.

I wish you luck!

[Terra Alta]

22. I hope you've gotten away from this terrible situation.

Being with an abusive partner is one of the worst things a woman can experience.

And you are NOT a jerk for wanting to stab him. I just hope you get away before the situation escalates.