holidays can suck for families with m.h. issues

[LiberalEsto]

I don't think I can remember almost any pleasant holidays, not from my childhood, not from the past 10-20 years.

I tried this morning to make our traditional family Easter brunch, to try and cheer up the three of us after a pretty hellish past couple of weeks. All of us have various issues -- mine are depression and anxiety -- but our daughter, who is 27, was hospitalized last weekend after threatening repeatedly to kill herself. She was released Tuesday. She's not happy with the hospital's day program, and they failed to give her referrals for counseling.

So I got up today and boiled a half dozen eggs to dye, picked a bunch of daffodils for the table, put on a pretty yellow tablecloth, and started the eggs Benedict, including cooked asparagus. This means preparing five separate items.

She pitched in, coloring the eggs, slicing up tomatoes, putting out fruit, setting the table and toasting the English muffins. All was going well, the table looked beautiful, and we sat down to eat.

But I had inadvertently overcooked the poached eggs while tending the hollandaise, the asparagus, the bacon, etc. As usual, she got upset and angry. Then she poached more eggs for herself, made up a tray and went downstairs to eat in her room, while my husband and I looked at each other and ate in silence. I offered him one of the overcooked poached eggs. The daughter came back up and for some reason got even more angry that he had eaten the egg she hadn't wanted.

Now I'm sitting in my room with a knot in my stomach,thinking back on how one small mistake sets her off just about every Christmas, Easter or birthday. She's 27, she's going through withdrawal, she has to make some very tough decisions. I realize she's having a hard time. This particular scenario happen almost every holiday. If it isn't some minor aspect of the cooking, it's something else. It happens with takeout food -- if they forget the crispy noodles or the dipping sauce, she throws a fit.

Yes, she has OCD, among other things. And I must be some kind of stupid to keep forgetting that there's no point to trying to cheer us up by celebrating something, because it can all go downhill so quickly. I think it's time to declare an end to all holiday and birthday celebration attempts at this house. It's not worth the hurt. I wish there was some way to change things.

[Still Blue in PDX]

1. I'm so sorry. nt

[LiberalEsto]

5. Thank you, Still Blue.

I hope your day is good.

[elleng]

2. Yes Yes Yes, LibEst,

with you 100%, but now its not 'holidays,' where we had similar experiences when we were all together, but now its just getting together, as we (older 29 year old daughter, baby grandson, son in law and me) did yesterday. They were in SilSpg (from NJ) for their friend's baby's birthday party, so they decided to ask if I'd like to meet them to see my grandson. The b.s. happened again. I'm about to take my 1/2 dose, 0.12 mg xanax.

Its NOT worth the hurt, but don't know whether I'll decline, IF she suggests we meet when she comes back 15 May in honor of her father's death.

And I don't recall, as it was a long time ago, with what a psychiatrist diagnosed her, but it was multi-tiered psychiatric 'issues.' After a while, she stopped taking whatever meds had been prescribed. (was MAYBE when she was in high school.) My younger daughter recognizes her own OCD, and laughs about it, thank goodness!

Sounds like a WONDERFUL breakfast!

[LiberalEsto]

6. Oh, Ellen, that's sad.

And so painful when there's a baby involved.

After several hours, my daughter came out an apologized. This is a first!
She told me that she is having a hard time with anxiety and not being on meds.
With everything that's been going on, I can understand to a certain extent.
Maybe she and I need to discuss this and set up some guidelines for the next holiday.

You should have seen the tomatoes. She got a carton of small tomatoes in multiple colors at Giant yesterday. She sliced and arranged them in concentric circles, by color. Then she sprinkled on some chives I picked from the garden, and added lemon juice, salt and pepper. It was so pretty she took a picture and sent it to a friend.

[elleng]

7. Sounds great, LibEst,

I would give the world for an apology! and her understanding about what's going on! for your daughter! AND the tomatoes!

[Still Blue in PDX]

8. Awesome, in the full literal meaning of that much overused word.

I grew up with nightmarish family holidays due to alcohol, and there was no talking about it.

Sounds very likely that you and your daughter have some lovely holidays in your future.

[irisblue]

3. LiberalEsto

can I give you a cyber hug?

[LiberalEsto]

4. Thank you

That helps a lot



I went outside and took it out on the weeds. There is an endless supply of them. Works for me but oooooooh my back.

[hunter]

9. Suffered EXTREME drama this Easter weekend and still don't know how it will turn out.

Police involved, but nothing like suicide or danger to self or others. At least in the eyes of our local police who consider any day without gun violence, fatal accidents, or suicides, an easy day.



I can't talk about it yet. There were a couple of 911 calls.

If I had money I could probably just write a few large checks and make it all go away for everyone.

In my actual reality I just have to be my transparent nice guy self and hope for the best.

Sometimes I just want to live alone in a little house in the woods.

[LiberalEsto]

10. I'm so sorry, hunter.

I hope things work out eventually.

That little house in the woods is tempting, isn't it?

[mopinko]

11. wanna check in hunter?

hope you are doing ok.