Just wanted to share a little something (depression)
I've been diagnosed w/ depression, anxiety & everything that comes w/ it. Plus, I'm hypoglycemic so whenever I do low-blood sugar symptoms I'm nervous(first thing I notice right away), fatigued, mental confusion, horrible short-term memory, light headed-faint feeling. Usually pretty much it but w/ a 110 degree day that I was outside from entirely from 11am to 4pm w/ 1 hour spend indoors w/ covering 2 miles here, 2 miles there, indoors, 2 miles there, etc. I got pretty much all the low-blood sugar symptons including these horrible stomach cramps and nauseated.
That is pretty much else, I never really get screened for anything I don't know that I may or may not have. The hypoglycemic thing that got discovered was by luck. I haven't had physical check-ups since I was in the military, I've been to 6-different hospitals (ER bad choice for anything mental) trying to figure out what is wrong w/ me. I'm otherwise functional and normal but I have moments where I'm not smart at all and I often leave that impression (Ever since I started explaining the hypoglycemic thing, still does little to change their assumptions of me). A couple of others guessed I had ADD/ADHD (because of the short-term memory loss, confusion) but there is no way that I am. I'm familiar w/ what it is and know I don't have it.
That is some background to better make sense of what I want to say. Now in recent years I built up quite a shell that in a way protects me from getting hurt so I can deal w/ a lot. I usually have a good time, let stuff roll off me, and make it through the day.
But then there are days, especially when I'm dealing w/ a lot of stress (it is easier for most people than me to let them know they're stressed out and get supporting feedback) then when I'm around people, especially people I consider friends that diss me(jokes) all day, all the different people I run into during the day, plus it feels like the hottest day of the year, and you still don't know what to do w/ the stress but you're also dealing w/ the fact that your miserable but you're treated like you don't have a right to be a miserable over what is causing me to feel miserable which causes me to feel miserable over that idea alone. (I second guess what I should do and act all-the-time but also have feelings -- to explain if the miserable, can't(figuratively) be miserable... didn't make since).
Those days it feels like why do you keep trying when I get a reality check I'm no where near who I used to be from a mental health standpoint that why do you keep forcing myself through the days. Day like today I had a suicide feeling just for a moment but nothing too serious as I never really even get close to having impulses. But I move on and chug through the days.
Those days remind how truly bad I hurt inside even though I built up a way to not care about it. I can't even get jealous anymore, I just don't care but I also rarely come across someone that I find true, straight-forward and just wants you for you and stars don't align--but I wouldn't get jealous because I wouldn't have a reason too--instead my usual prospects would openly (or not very discreetly) start up other relationships and it doesn't bother me at all. It is useful information, I don't even want a relationship at-this-stage but then someone will make a diss that you're not w/ anything they ever seen (and they known you more than a few months) but it is hard because they don't understand I can easily live without relationship if it means no bullshit. It actually saddens me because I could get very jealous w/ my first real and longest lasting (no other comes nowhere near close) but it meant that I cared. I put so much time, energy, emotion into it that when it ended I was spent. I was actually real down for awhile(didn't want to do anything or see anybody), it is when I started to live again is when my problems started.
That is pretty much it, I sometimes wonder if I'm absolutely crazy but it makes sense to me, please give any feedback. Trust me, I don't have a release at all out there and would really appreciate any type of support or advice or anything. Anything really. Thanks. 
= new reply since forum marked as read
If you read through my posts you'll see I ain't got no answers...
I'm merely in a dull place now, feeling sort of slow, but it comes and goes. I've been brighter.
Is there anyone "real world" you can work with now? Doctor, counselor, etc.?
One thing people might tell you is that the first professional you work with may not be the right one. Just like it may take time to find the right medicines, or realistic alternatives (like nutrition, exercise, improving sleep habits, group or individual talk therapy, etc...)
Here's a hug
