My cousin is in the hospital.

[EFerrari]

She'd been in remission but now the cancer has spread to her brain.

She's the closest thing to a sister I have. So angry.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Omigod, my dear EFerrari...

I am so very sorry.

[EFerrari]

3. One of the earliest pictures we have of her is in my lap

when she was a newborn. I was three. When I had my first boy, she came down to stay over and help me figure out how to be a mother. She was all of 16. She was my maid of honor. I coached the birth of her first baby. Her mother is my mom's twin practically, only 10 months younger, and my godmother. I was named after her.

She's being tested today and surgery is set for Monday. It feels like someone is chewing on my heart. I have to go to the grocery store when I stop crying. I miss believing in God.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. ...

[xfundy]

6. no words

[NRaleighLiberal]

2. So, so very sorry to hear this.

[EFerrari]

7. I'm probably going to be no good until after Monday

Thank you.

[mdmc]

5. very sorry to hear eferrari

so sorry

[momto3]

8. I am so sorry.

What type of primary cancer? What is her prognosis? Cancer is truly one of the worst afflictions. My father-in-law died of lung cancer and it was a heart-breaking thing to see.

I wish you peace.

[EFerrari]

9. The test results are not good.

MRI showed a number of affected areas.

[hunter]

10. Oh!

[EFerrari]

11. Managed to cook today, couldn't yesterday.

Sat up half the night, feeling ill, out of time.

J's third birthday party in Novato. Her pastel green chiffon dress with tiers of ruffles, probably the very last time she wore a petticoat, lol. Hunting frogs in that backyard and catching flies to feed them. Thank goodness, they all managed to hop out of the plastic tub, back out into the wild.

J noticing that a guest at one of my parties had a little girl that was torturing a kitten. J liberating the kitten into her purse and telling the little girl that the kitten ran away.

Me and J getting up early, on one of my sleepovers at her house, to make gingerbread. Getting impatient. Making a devil's food cake while we waited for the cookie dough to chill. I'm pretty sure we were the first people in our immigrant family to make two American dessert recipes from scratch on the same day, at respectively 8 and 11. Without any adult supervision. lol

J dancing at her wedding, in one of those big white wedding dresses, instructing the band to blast the Stones, wearing the biggest pair of red sunglasses ever. Ever.

J laughing out loud next to me at the movie theater on Shattuck. Watching "Like Water for Chocolate". Laughing because somehow we managed to sneak our own lives out of family scripts and because we didn't quite believe our own hubris. Pirates.

[fizzgig]

12. i am so very sorry

light and love to your cousin, you and the rest of the family. i can't imagine

[EFerrari]

13. Surgery is at noon tomorrow.

Last edited Sun Feb 5, 2012, 11:53 PM - Edit history (1)

Am forcing myself to cook again tonight. My brain has been stalling all day. It's odd because my muscles hurt as if I've been in a fight or something. Still cold and can't taste anything. Listening to the Brandenburgs helps some.

I guess it's okay to be afraid when you have no other choices. After I burn dinner, the dog will go out and then, I will try to, too, for the night.

[EFerrari]

14. My cousin made it through the surgery and was alert and talking after

sometime this afternoon.

Thank you all so much for hanging in with me. It helped so much.

[fizzgig]

15. thank you for the update

i'm sending healing thoughts to your cousin and you

[BeHereNow]

16. I will light a candle, now.

I have several lit for several people.
I am not not a gobbly gook relgiousity type, but I do believe in
the power of intention and light.
You are Loved,
BHN

[EFerrari]

17. Thank you.

After agonizing since Friday, I was finally able to surrender to Bach today. That's as close as I get to prayer any more. My poor family must be exhausted.

[Odin2005]

18. Oh no!