MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT GROUP: Ageism is related to mental health....

[steve2470]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ageism

We see posts here on DU (not in this group) that are borderline or frankly ageist. I turn 60 next year. This is deeply personal for me. I'm going to do WTF I want to as a "senior". I'm sure I will be told on many occasions I'm too freaking old to do XYZ or whatever.

F*** ageism. Yes, your body may be "elderly" but your mind does not have to be. Yes, some things you can no longer do once you hit 60, but the rest you CAN do.

Again, F*** ageism.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Yeah, it's really infuriating sometimes.

I'm older than you are, and while there are some things I don't want to do any more (because I don't have to and they're too damn much work), and some things that I'm not in good enough shape to do (like bicycling; my knees wouldn't like it), I'm not mentally old (except that I'm worse than ever at remembering names and where I left my car keys). I can do the things I want to do and I don't give a crap if somebody thinks I'm too old. Actually, one of the nice things about getting older is you start not giving a crap about a lot of things.

But one thing that I do give a crap about is when an older person does something unusual or interesting, and somebody talks about how "cute" that is. That's condescending, ageist bullshit.

OLD PEOPLE ARE NOT CUTE.
OLD PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE.
DO NOT TELL ME I'M "CUTE" IF I GO SKYDIVING OR HAVE A RELATIONSHIP OR DYE MY HAIR BLUE OR DANCE IN PUBLIC.

And while you're at it, get the hell off my lawn.

[steve2470]

2. great post! nt

[get the red out]

3. I want to vomit

When people address my Mother in a voice generally reserved for those under 5. I DO NOT want to experience this. I am 53 and I am worried about how to maintain my status as a fucking adult!

Not to mention that it is hard as hell to get mental healtcare for an older person since they want to lump ALL symptoms into a predetermined dementia box. My Mom had to slit her wrist before my sister and I got anything but "she's getting older" from psychiatrists after my Dad passed and wasn't there to cover for her mental health issues. This is horrific. When will I become too old for mental health professionals to take symptoms seriously? I already suffered through an anti-depressant disaster because no one would diagnose it. And that was just typical "patient can't possibly be correct-ism".

And I won't even get started on "can't do things". Fortunately, I have become really into participating in dog agility since we adopted a BC Mix pup 7 years ago, and there are a lot of non-whipper-snappers involved in this. I LOVE seeing 70+ year olds rock a course with their dog. One of the best handlers I have ever seen is now 72, some of the younger guys have to wish they were in as good of physical condition as he is.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. I remember when my mother was hospitalized

when she was in her '80s, and some nurse or other hospital person would call her by her first name, like "How are we feeling today, Jane?" and she'd just say, without a smile, "You can call me Mrs. xxxx." She was a former nurse herself, and she said that back in her day (mid-late '40s) she was taught that patients were always called Mr. or Mrs. Older people are treated with terrible condescension (if not ignored altogether), and I sure as hell won't be putting up with it.

[get the red out]

6. Good for her!

I'd bet the people she corrected were stunned silent!

[elleng]

5. It truly is b.s.

Thanks, Ocelot, for responding too.

I'm more senior than steve, and likely others. SENIOR is NOT elderly. DAD was 'elderly;' he passed @ 99.

[Lint Head]

7. Boy howdy do I agree with this. I'm there but I pass as younger.

At least I think so. Ha!
I absolutely hate the way older people who are not sound of mind or maybe even mentally fit are put away and shunned by society. I don't think a punk band would go over well in a nursing home but, hey, why don't people think outside of the box when dealing with older people? I think there needs to be a revolution as to how society treats and looks after older people. I also don't think mean jokes about older people in walkers, how they drive, act etc. is even slightly funny.
Of course comedy should be able to address anything if it addresses commonalities in human nature.
The fact that the nursing home business is considered a cash cow is outrageous to me.
I think hospice is the only truely compassionate business because it is 'usually' a charitable operation.
Too many times we hear of nursing home rapes and neglect.
Older people have a lot to offer younger folks. Wisdom, advice and experience.

[No Vested Interest]

8. The 60s are very good years.

Usually the body is still well enough to see and do many things one didn't have the time to do when working hard and/or caring for the day-to-day needs of a family.

Look forward to and during your 60s.
You've got a lot of living to do; see it all; do it all.
Best wishes.

[nadine_mn]

9. I read an article from an older woman who said she felt like

Once she reached a certain age she became "background" in the pictures she had ...in her younger years she was the subject of photos, now she was always off to the side...more like a prop to hold babies, pose with the whole family but never just her.

And I looked at pictures of my grandparents (who I adored and was extremely close to) and saw yup...my grandparents quit being the main subjects of photos.

So on a visit (they were in their early 70's) I took some photos of just the two of them...with them as the main and only subject. They were sitting on a bench (my grandparents were deeply in love until they died and had always been flirty and affectionate with each other) and I said ok give each other a kiss...and they gave each other a chaste kiss on the cheek. I said...awww come on...kiss like you mean it. And my grandpa got this twinkle in his eye and said "like this?" and placed a proper smooch on my grandma smack on the lips. She giggled and blushed. The next photo was my grandpa waving me off with one hand while he was still kissing her, so my husband and I took the hint and left.

That photo of them kissing is one of my favorite photos of them. In that moment they weren't my grandparents or a cute old couple... they were Pete and Margaret, a couple who were still madly in love.

I worked with elder victims of abuse for a few years, and how they become invisible...to family, medical professionals, society as a whole broke my damn heart. I had so many of my own misconceptions shattered. And I became so angry...so angry at how they were constantly dismissed. Ageism is such a huge barrier to getting proper mental health or physical health treatments.

At first it was so easy to say oh well that generation didn't talk about mental health. But trying to find professionals that SPECIALIZE in geriatric mental health care was nearly impossible. Pediatric care all over the place, practically tripping on doctors wanting to treat kids.