how do you sort out
what feelings are your own, how you feel about people, who they are, from what your broken brain is telling you?
i look back at my long marriage, and all the times i thought my ex was a total jerk, and i wonder where my bouts of depression overlap who he really was, and how i really felt about him.
and my kids, jesus. especially when it gets encrusted w all the left over freudian bullshit about your experiences, blah blah blah, that they got in their time on the couch. it's sort of a wonder to me that anybody w mental illness loves their mother. or do they?
= new reply since forum marked as read
And talking it out with a therapist.
" I have never seen one try to pry apart perceptions, and point out where there may be a distorted view of something."
I started therapy as an adult when I realized that my choices & actions were causing more pain for me then benefit. Emily was able to help me see that my gaslighting myself was a failure. She did point out my BS to me, as painful as opening that emotional boil was, I'm sure that I would never have figured that out on my own.
I have no experience with adolescents in therapy, so I cannot speak about/to your daughters experience, and thereby your families experience. Have, you yourself, ever talked with a mental health professional? Sometimes saying
outloud what you are thinking & feeling is very helpful.
As always
I think everyone who turns the lens inward and tries to understand themselves will get lost in confusion from time to time. You have to do it, though, if you want to grow and become aware. I meet people sometimes who appear to have a total lack of insight into their own workings. I used to be one of them. They're usually not very interesting people and don't have much depth of thought.
Try to take the emotion out of it and just look at the facts of the matter in a detached kind of way. How were you really treated? When you think back on your husband, does it appear that he really tried to understand most of the time? Was there empathy there? Did he try to express love even when you weren't at your best? My wife and I have been married almost 6 years now. We haven't had a fight in a long time, but when we did earlier in our marriage we both felt terrible about it and expressed that to each other and usually we didn't go to bed angry at each other. And if we did, the next day as soon as we were able to talk to each other we were hugging and apologizing and expressing our love for each other. My wife and I have both had mental health issues, but our love for one another cuts right through it. It can't be a one way kind of thing. If you loved your husband but he didn't love you back or continued to hurt you over the years despite things being good from time to time, then it was truly a broken relationship.
That's take on relationship stuff anyway. That will be 5 cents. 
Yeah, I was very angry with my mom, and dad, and step dad at one time. But I just had to let that stuff go. It was important for me at the time to acknowledge to myself that life was hard for me sometimes when I was growing up, but I worked through that stuff and grew and came to see everyone involved, including myself, in a different way. I think that's the best outcome that can be hoped for, and I understand that it's not always a possibility for everyone. But letting go of that anger really helped me to heal.
Did I get really angry at her at times for her behavior and affect caused by her illness ? Yes, unfair as that might seem. But I did love her. When she was in the hospital I went every single day to see her. When she had Alzheimer's and was home-bound, I went every week, at least, to go see her and check on her.
My mother did the best she could within the constraints of her own mental illness. She did love me. I know that, and will always know that.
As far as your marriage goes, I think irisblue has the right idea. 
All the best to you, Winston Churchill, and your urban farm
