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CTyankee

(65,177 posts)
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 11:39 AM Feb 2018

Overcoming grief. My struggle to recover after mourning the loss of my dear sister in law.

We all knew she was essentially dying from liver cirrhosis. She had stopped drinking but the damage was done. We accepted that the process would be of some length, affording us time to mourn the upcoming loss.

But she died quite suddenly and I wasn't prepared when I got the news. I went into an extended period of time crying each day. A good friend suggested that I write about her in my journal so I did. I wrote about the time I first met her and our experience of having our babies at approximately the same time.

Then I realized that this writing therapy was really wallowing in grief. I finally had accepted her death, acknowledged my feelings and deleted the long journal entries.

I guess it takes a long time to overcome grief. That was my story.

13 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Overcoming grief. My struggle to recover after mourning the loss of my dear sister in law. (Original Post) CTyankee Feb 2018 OP
Grief takes its own time. WhiteTara Feb 2018 #1
Thanks for the offer but I have to believe that she herself would not want me to wallow in grief. CTyankee Feb 2018 #3
Big hugs WhiteTara Feb 2018 #5
Grief is part of life. CTyankee Feb 2018 #6
Death never comes at a convenient time. WhiteTara Feb 2018 #11
Sorry for your loss and sadness PJMcK Feb 2018 #2
I've learned that you can't. CTyankee Feb 2018 #4
Missing someone you love... Louis1895 Feb 2018 #7
Her daughter was tragically confined to a wheelchair due to an accident when she was 22. CTyankee Feb 2018 #8
Incredible! Louis1895 Feb 2018 #9
Thank you, Louis... CTyankee Feb 2018 #10
It does take a long time when you really grieve someone. gvstn Feb 2018 #12
thank you. I have made my peace with this at long last. It is a blessing. CTyankee Feb 2018 #13

WhiteTara

(30,193 posts)
1. Grief takes its own time.
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 11:45 AM
Feb 2018

You are not wallowing, you are grieving. But, if you would like a mantra to ease her on her journey, just pm me.

CTyankee

(65,177 posts)
3. Thanks for the offer but I have to believe that she herself would not want me to wallow in grief.
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 11:56 AM
Feb 2018

Sometimes I look at a picture of her dancing with my brother and my daughter's wedding. He is gone, too (and it was sudden). I can do that now and not start crying.

My SIL was such a great spirit herself. She was funny and loved to laugh. As a high functioning alcoholic she accomplished much in her career as a kindergarten teacher. She brought joy to her family, friends and colleagues. I doubt that she would want me to continue crying.

Sometimes you just have to dry your tears and get on with your life.

CTyankee

(65,177 posts)
6. Grief is part of life.
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 12:04 PM
Feb 2018

Everyone has grief at some point in their lives. A lot of times you can prepare for it but there are bound to be times when you can't. I just accept that.

WhiteTara

(30,193 posts)
11. Death never comes at a convenient time.
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 07:06 PM
Feb 2018

expected or not...it's always sudden and almost always painful.

PJMcK

(22,967 posts)
2. Sorry for your loss and sadness
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 11:56 AM
Feb 2018

Can one ever be prepared for such a loss?

Live a good life, CTyankee. Here's a heart for you.

Louis1895

(779 posts)
7. Missing someone you love...
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 12:40 PM
Feb 2018

...is never easy.

I lost my wife 10 years ago to cancer. Memories of her keep me strong when life gets me down. I try to live my life by recalling her spirit. It sounds like your SIL was a lovely person as I can tell you are, too. Keep her memory alive by recalling all of her goodness and try to share that with others.

Peace!

CTyankee

(65,177 posts)
8. Her daughter was tragically confined to a wheelchair due to an accident when she was 22.
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 12:54 PM
Feb 2018

Her daughter is as sweet as her mother. She was a bridesmaid at my daughter's wedding. She rolled down the aisle in her wheelchair and there were a few tears among the wedding guests. But she has the joy her mother possessed.

Louis1895

(779 posts)
9. Incredible!
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 02:03 PM
Feb 2018

Your family has certainly had more than its share of loss! It also seems like you are close to each other.

Peace to you and those you love!

G.

gvstn

(2,805 posts)
12. It does take a long time when you really grieve someone.
Fri Feb 9, 2018, 07:10 PM
Feb 2018

It is not always a "he/she is dead, get on with it". The suddenness is shocking no matter how much you "know" what is going to happen. I wasn't prepared for a few losses in my life even though I did my best to help out.

Please have a good year. And write what ever makes you sane. No harm in expressing your feelings. It is not wallowing! Your better than that and your SIL knows it too.

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