Guys, We Have A Problem: How American Masculinity Creates Lonely Men

[steve2470]

https://www.npr.org/2018/03/19/594719471/guys-we-have-a-problem-how-american-masculinity-creates-lonely-men

When Paul Kugelman was a kid, he had no shortage of friends. But as he grew older and entered middle age, his social world narrowed.

"It was a very lonely time. I did go to work and I did have interactions at work, and I cherished those," he says. "But you know, at the end of the day it was just me."

Kugelman's story isn't unusual: researchers say it can be difficult for men to hold on to friendships as they age. And the problem may begin in adolescence.

New York University psychology professor Niobe Way, who has spent decades interviewing adolescent boys, points to the cultural messages boys get early on.

[Anon-C]

1. Big kick and rec. Nt

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. And it's off to the Greatest Page for you! n/t

[WhiteTara]

3. When I was young and in my married 20s

we had a circle of friends and the men always talked quantitatively and the women were always talking qualitative. So, I think by immersing in the quality of life rather than the latest game score, you have a deeper richer social world.

[steve2470]

4. ladies, if you want to gain greater insight into men...read this and listen to the podcast

It's very much on target. We men, at least in my age bracket, have historically been expected to be hyper-independent, to a fault.

[Tobin S.]

5. Interesting, Steve.

I think you and I were talking in a similar vein of thought not long ago about how people who are taught to be highly self sufficient often have a problem with reaching out to others for help. While it can be a problem in women, I think the problem is much more prevalent in men in our culture.

A good place to start for men who feel cut off or isolated socially is in social clubs, I think. They are in decline as far as attendance goes in our country, but social clubs for men used to be very popular in America. I just joined the Masons and have completed the Master Mason degree. There is a great feeling of community and comradery in the organization, especially after you become a full member. But there are other organizations that are less formal than the Masons that can fulfill a similar purpose in the psyche of the American man. The Elks, Eagles, and Moose lodges just to name a few. There are also the AMVETs and the American Legion that cater to military veterans.

There are also many other avenues a man can take to become more socially connected to the community and to develop friendships. The message has to be circulated that it is okay for a man to want to develop connections with other people. Connections are what make us human and allow us to express our love and kindness.

[steve2470]

6. good post

Maybe it was just my idiosyncratic experience, but I found the men in Germany more willing to reach out and be friendly. I was just over there for a few weeks, and I found this a bit surprising. I guess I should not, since it's a totally different culture. In this country, it seems unless you are in a social club you mentioned, you work together, are on an athletic league together, you're neighbors, or your wives/girlfriends know each other, you're a bit out of luck.