What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

[elleng]

There are no easy answers for helping someone struggling with depression, especially if you’ve already tried and tried. Here are some tips from experts.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/07/health/depression-suicide-helping.html?

[CrispyQ]

1. Good article with some good advice.

snip...

It’s O.K. to ask if she is having suicidal thoughts

Lots of people struggle with depression without ever considering suicide. But depression is often a factor.

Although you may worry that asking, “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” will insult someone you’re trying to help — or worse, encourage her to go in that direction — experts say the opposite is true.

“It’s important to know you can’t trigger suicidal thinking just by asking about it,” said Allen Doederlein, the executive vice president of external affairs at the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance.

If the answer is yes, it’s crucial that you calmly ask when and how; it’s much easier to help prevent a friend from hurting herself if you know the specifics.

I think a lot of people who've never suffered from depression are feeling it & possibly not correctly identifying it.

[wasupaloopa]

2. Speaking as one who suffers from depression, you need profession al help. Family members can't fix

you. Depression is contagious. If you are constantly depressed those around you will become depressed dealing with you. You owe it to them to get professional help.

[elleng]

3. The article makes this clear, imo.

'Make getting to that first appointment as easy as possible
You alone cannot fix this problem, no matter how patient and loving you are. A severely depressed friend needs professional assistance from a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker or another medical professional.

Yeah, you know. You’ve told your boyfriend this, but it’s been months — or maybe even years — and he still has not set anything up.

“You can’t control someone else’s recovery,” said Kimberly Williams, president and chief executive of the Mental Health Association of New York City. But you can try to make getting to that first appointment as easy as possible.

That might mean sitting next to your friend as he calls to make the appointment, finding counseling that he can afford, or even going with him that first time, if you’re comfortable with it.

What if you’re not sure whether you should start with a therapist or a psychiatrist, or whether you’ve found the perfect person? Ask around for recommendations, and know that one practitioner may ultimately lead to another.'

[forgotmylogin]

4. This, this, and this.

Depression is an unpredictable weird monster. It does a good job of hiding inside people who seem just fine.

If you are a family member, you are "part of the problem" as it were, and aren't equipped to deal with it. I learned that eventually.

The one thing I have done in some cases in the short term...I know all depression is different but some people work well with this: There are depressives who "check out" and sleep for days, don't socialize. I've made this agreement with my friends who are mildly depressive and they know to do it with me:

Talk to your depressive friend and let them know that you care about them and aren't looking to "fix" them, but when they "check out" and go off the grid for more than a day, you will "check in" periodically on them (daily at least) to remind you both that everything will be okay. Hopefully you can get them to agree to accept and look forward to your short "check-in" contact once a day - a phone call, a quick run for coffee, bring them food, a conversation not about them - because committing to a brief daily gasp of air away from their depression can be what keeps them from sinking totally to the bottom. They need professional help, but hopefully they can also agree that your checking on them is much less of a problem than you calling 911 to bust down the door and check on them when they *won't* respond to you.

Sometimes it does mean if they are having thoughts of self-harm that you can't leave them - it's always better for them to talk about it than not talk about it. I've been in that situation of needing to search someone's house to remove all handy sharp objects. You don't need to call 911 unless the situation is critical, but if you get to a point where you don't feel comfortable leaving them alone, calling the suicide hotline is usually the answer - they are much better equipped to talk to your loved one and they will know when to make the call to get immediate help to them if necessary.