phew. update on my son.

[mopinko]

well, life i weird is all i can say.
and families can most certainly rock.

so, last news was that the boy moved to va w his girlfriend to work on a horse farm. they broke up, and she moved back to chicago.
some folks there put him up for a while, and he was reportedly helpful. but they let him know he had to get a job. in rural va. umm.
his biggest worry was that he thought (so did i) that there was a warrant out for him in illinois. ex's new wife, a chicago cop, looked it up, and he had gotten time served in the county jail.

he reached out to a cousin, who lives in falls church, to help him find a lawyer. now, this cousin is much older than he is, and they hadnt had that much contact. he was career army, and didnt make it home to very many get-togethers. some day i will find out how he even found him, since he is notoriously private, but yeah.
he reached out at a time that the family was all pretty close together after a couple family funerals. so, much warm fuzzy.

he asked if he could stay w him for a while.
now, like i said, career army, now at the pentagon. ramrod straight.
he wanted to help him, but the army has some pretty strong experience in straightening out kids like him. he laid down a lot of rules, including getting help, getting a job, and no drugs.
since my nephew works crazy hours, much will fall on his wife. respecting her was also a biggie.
i cant tell you how important that no drugs one is. the kid was so lost in a fog of weed.

they drove him around getting applications, gave him 24 hours to fill them out, then took him around to hand them in. they told him that on the next monday he was to find a therapist and make an appointment.

so, the latest update-
he had his first visit w a therapist, and cant wait for the next one. he hopes to go weekly.
he got a job, tho he hasnt started yet. making pizza, which is actually something he can do well.

if anyone can straighten him out, it is his cousin.
tho there was some family friction around my nephew and his service, i have the deepest respect for him. he rose to the highest ranks in the special forces. he was up for a general's star. when he didnt get it, he announced his retirement. to get him to stick around for 1 more year, he was offered a job in the obama white house. tho he is quite a rw-inger, he was honored to serve, and came to respect obama. he was the liaison to the special forces. he negotiated bowe bergdahl's release.
he is one of the hero horse soldiers of the afghanistan war, tho they wrote him out of the movie "12 strong", prolly because he really doesnt like the spotlight. there was a fatwa out on his for his actions there, so that was part of it, but that is also just who he is.

to say i am over the moon at the moment would understate this by light years.

[cilla4progress]

1. Thank you for sharing your story

all we parents ultimately want for our children is for them to be healthy and happy!

[mopinko]

4. yeah, i dont care what he does as long as it isnt

sitting on my couch, obsessed w rolling the perfect spliff and reading 4chan.

[Tobin S.]

2. Thanks for the update, mo.

I hope your son can stay on the right track. As some wise guy in Lynyrd Synyrd once said, life is strange when it's changing, yes indeed. The twists and turns a life can take can seem unfathomable and unthinkable at times. You just never know what might happen. Just when things look the darkest a blessing can come through.

[mopinko]

5. he had to get out and on his own.

he had to take ownership of his own life. it was a difficult transition, for both of us.
i love my family. we have had our ups and downs, but they have really shown themselves to be there when it counts.

[redwitch]

3. What good people they are to help him out!

Sounds like some serious guidelines and a safe space to get it together are just perfect. Glad to read this good news mo.

[mopinko]

6. so happy to report it.

so relieved.

[kag]

7. Think your nephew would take *my* son in?

Just kidding, but I do worry about the guy.

So glad things are working out for your son. Keep us up how he's doing, if you don't mind.

[mopinko]

11. i did have to make him promise not to enlist him in the army.

i will file occasional reports. it is good to know that sometimes people manage to change things for the better.

[DFW]

8. Our elder daughter did a 180 when she finally left the house.

Finally on her own, 8000 miles from us, it was what straightened her out. She didn't do drugs, but she just didn't seem to have any ambition to do much of anything (like grow up, for example!) while spending a year at home after graduating the German equivalent of high school. We made her do internships in her field in Germany and apply to schools in that field during that time. She got accepted at a school in Los Angeles. So I accompanied her to California, spent 3 days getting her settled in, and spelling out little details she wouldn't have known. And then I left back for Germany. Boom, she learned the ropes, got to go to school with kids a LOT different from her, some of whom burned out and left. After two years on her own, not always in the easiest of situations, she was a changed person. Moved to New York City, finished college, got a job that paid poverty wages. learned to live on a shoestring budget, and started to claw her way upwards. She refused all my offers of help, said she'd take it only if she failed on her own--a total reversal of the party girl who wouldn't get off the sofa except to go to a disco five years before.

So kudos too your boy for having the willpower to get himself back on track!

Side note--I grew up outside of Falls Church! Dirt roads when I was a kid. They did pave them eventually.

[mopinko]

13. his brother

went through a few lost years, too. only his drug was knowledge. he sat on my couch, fooled around on the web, and ended up teaching himself 3 programming languages, kept learning japanese, and started watching online courses from mit.
but he still didnt want to leave the house.

some friends from high school talked him into doing city year, which is an americorp program. turned him around. a year of volunteering, w strong structure and leadership training, made his realize how much he had to give, and how good that felt.
they get a stipend and money for college. now, we would have been happy to send him to college, but he wanted to do it himself.
he went back to school, got scholarships, got almost straight a's, graduated magna cum laude from uic, and got a full boat from u utah, theoretical math, straight to phd.
he is so happy in school, and esp now. he found his tribe of math nerds, found his physicality. went from a chubby teen to a bike riding, rock climbing man.
still some scar tissue from that difficult process of tearing himself away from home and family, but he is shonuf grown.

[DFW]

15. Same kind of story, it seems

Sometimes they just need a gentle push in the right direction, and they find their true inner power.

[mopinko]

17. a story as old as time, i believe.

when they started hitting the teen years a friend told me- yes, it is very painful. they literally have to tear themselves away from everything they know, and people who love them deeply. that is hard to do.

the shittier the world gets, the harder it is to jump into that void, i guess. and this country IS pretty shitty for young people these days.

one more thing about this other son- he still has a small way to go to that phd, but i think he is a little bored now that he has devoured all the maths. he is thinking about going back for an mba when he is done, so that he can be a "social entrepreneur". for all that tearing away, he is still my kid.

[panader0]

9. Wow! what a great story.

I'm glad for this outcome.
"Well, life is weird is all I can say." Ain't that the truth.

[elleng]

10. GREAT to hear!

[get the red out]

12. I am so happy for you

This sounds like a great opportunity for your son! He sounds exactly like my husband's nephew, the similarity is amazing, he finally got into a halfway house, we are all hoping for his life to get better.

[mopinko]

14. seems to be common as mud any more.

my suspicion is that school is so regimented that they just dont have any practice making their own decisions. when they get the reins they are overwhelmed.
they are aware of what a shit country this can be sometimes, esp now, for young people starting out.

good luck to the kid. i hope they can get him on track.

[steve2470]

16. I am very happy for you, mo!

*hugs for you and your son, and BIF!*

[mopinko]

18. thx steve.

biff says hi. thx for the hug.

[Lotusflower70]

19. Thanks for sharing

That's great news. Sometimes things work out in unexpected ways just when you think it won't happen, it does. Good luck to him.

[mopinko]

20. thanks.

just a start, but a hopeful start.

[Lotusflower70]

21. Amen to that

Every little bit helps. I am watching my son work through his migraines and chronic insomnia and depression. It's hard as a mom to balance the want to help and the need to step back and let him pick himself up but I am trying.