I'm back to functioning, this morning
Again, for the 2nd time in about a month, thank you all so much for the kind and comforting words. I really do take them to heart. j
Yesterday was rough. I'm not sure why Pembroke's passing hit me so hard. He was still pretty much feral and allowed absolutely zero human touch. He didn't race off when he saw me. I sometimes wondered if he was short sighted because I could get pretty close before he darted off. He never went far - just far enough to put some space between us. He spent time on the enclosed porch. He was a big boy and had a kind of goofy but handsome face.
I take come comfort in one thing. What ever happened to him, he came back to my home before he passed. It tells me that no matter how feral he remained, he had some degree of trust for me and maybe knew I'd take care of him.
Today I'm going to spend a lot of time clearing some unused garden space. No doubt Dylan will be by my side. Who knows - maybe I'll turn it in to a feral cat habitat.
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Yes, he came to you, a place he trusted, to pass. Making your garden into a feral cat habitat....haven't you already done that? 
Sending lots of love your way, and good morning!
You are getting back on track. That big boy knew who you are, that you take care of the cats in your orbit, he knew he would be safe to pass and be recognized. That is a great honor in the natural world, that you recognize it is best because it is the reality of it. The other mundane parts of dealing with a body and all that aside, you were chosen by a being you revered to receive the honor of knowing what became of him, he saw that in you. It's amazing the depth of understanding and communication we can have with the nonhumans in our world.
He watched her from afar a good part of the time that he was around, he saw her care for all those babies and feed everyone around and give them shelter. Cats are pretty smart about these things, they know who to trust.
We're kitty (animal) servants and lovers too. We adore your posts and photos.
In the end he came to a place where he knew he would be safe.
