My best friend is fading away.
I used to have a human best friend, my mother. But she died. Now my little doggie best friend is leaving me. My heart is already broken. Can it possibly break any more?
I'm wondering if chichi will make it until her birthday, October 8th. She was born in 2008. She was rescued from a dumpster. The breeding operation she was rescued from had been shut down. So many dogs in need remained. No one wanted her because she was born with so many birth defects.
A friend told me about her. She convinced me to go see her before it was too late. She was not going to be kept if no one adopted her, I was told. The thought of that still chills my bones.
All it took was one look, and she had stolen my heart. She was a fuzzball with huge ears, and she was mine. I knew I had found a companion and a friend.
I lost my pomeranian of 15 years just months before to a massive stroke, and the space he left was enormous. He was my baby. Literally.
When my former husband and I lost our baby to a physician's medical mistake, I wasn't able to get pregnant again, and my new doctor told me to "get a dog." So, I put the money aside and made a plan.
Like everything else I embarked on then I did my research. I read about breeds and life spans and peculiarities. I decided on a pomeranian. He was amazing.
I named him after a famous French general. You probably know the one. Because this pooch was a little guy with a huge personality. He immediately had me conquered.
The same thing happened with chichi. All ears and attitude but never barking. Eventually, she learned to bark and found her voice.
She would sing when I sang and we had a song list. I had so much fun "singing" with her, but now I can only try to remember the sound I know I'll never hear again.
She only occasionally barked. But when she did, it was a sound so large that believing it came from a four pound Chihuahua was difficult to reconcile.
Now, I'm holding a vigil. There will be no more barking. She hasn't been able to stand on her own for a couple of weeks. I've been anticipating all of her needs, carrying her around like a baby. The one I lost. The one I couldn't have.
Yesterday she ate very little for the first time and drinking has become very difficult for her. It's been so hard to watch. It's so hard to try and mitigate.
I want more than anything to see her fight for her life. But now she just cries out for me. She literally howls to have me hold her. So, I do.
It's a sound she's never made before. A sound I will probably miss and not want to really hear again, but one I will try to remember. It means she's still breathing. It means that I still have a friend.
Because she has been stuck to me like glue from the first time we met. I took her everywhere. So small and quiet and stealth no one ever really knew. She stole hearts when they did.
So to work, the bank, shopping, everywhere. I didn't want to leave her and now she's leaving me.
I don't want to lose her. I don't want to disappoint her. She's been a friend, and so will I be, until the end.
I made a commitment. I don't break promises.
She's been my everything since my mother died, and now she's leaving me too.
I am overwhelmed. Watching her fade. I keep checking to see if she's still breathing. I've barely slept, afraid I won't be there when she goes.
I think I may be broken. I'm so sad.
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I will hold you close in my heart that you will have some comfort and peace. ((💐
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Holding you & your sweet girl in comforting vibes.
but it's something most of us have experienced, so we can understand your pain. Comforting hugs for you, and may little chichi have a gentle journey into the beyond where she will be waiting for you... because she knows how very much you love her.
You develop a routine so natural you don’t think about it.
And if you go to a party, when you leave - saying you have to get back to your dog, non dog owners will look at you funny while dog owners will say ‘oh yes of course! They know.
It’s the big things. It’s the little things. It’s the unspoken agreement. You have always been there for her as she has been for you. You made a promise. The last gift.
I understand.
I know how hard it is to lose a best friend, as I've lost 7 kitties over the years.
Though we know death is inevitable it doesn't make it any easier when the time comes. Keep doing what you are doing for her. She will be with you forever. You are bonded and always will be.
My grandma had a Pom; she was a fuzzy furball and very protective of her mama and very highstrung around children. We were not allowed to play with her as she would snap at us.
Your doggos were so lucky to have found you and it's always so hard when it's time for our furry friends to leave us.
Hugs to you.
I get that.
I've lost so many fur kids of various species over the years, and its never gotten any easier. Your heart hurts, and its hard to breathe because your chest feels so constricted.
She wants you to hold her because she still feels your love. You are a great comfort to her in this scary time that she doesn't understand. Its the best we can do.
Please keep us posted. I'd love to see some pics of both your pupsters when you're ready.
Lean on us.
