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MineralMan

(147,850 posts)
Thu Apr 18, 2019, 02:28 PM Apr 2019

As Our Lives Slowly Fade Away...

My father, who is 94 years old, said yesterday, "We live too damned long."

He is watching his wife, my mother, slowly slip away from being the bright, sparkly woman he married almost 75 years ago. Her Alzheimer's dementia has robbed her of her memory and cognitive abilities. Day by day, she slips closer to a time when she will no longer even recognize my father. She is also 94 years of age.

Only in this time, with its advanced medical capabilities, would she still be alive. Only in this time would my father still be alive. Both have medical issues that would have meant their end years ago, were it not for modern medical care. As I watch the deterioration of them both, I sometimes wonder whether my father is not right when he says, "We live too damned long."

The last year, or few months, remaining to them are far removed from the happy life they had together for so many years. Now, it is pain, feebleness, and anguish over their quality of life that are their daily companions. I have watched my wife's parents go through the same thing. My sister, who is 72 years old, also has Alzheimer's dementia which is rapidly progressing, as well.

So far, I am free of cognitive deficits, and may have my father's resistance to it, thanks to genetics. I live far from my parents and cannot be with them nearly as much as I want to be. I speak to my father on the phone every day, but our calls are no longer about happy things, like their 14 great-grandchildren. All is sadness and pain.

Perhaps we do "live too damned long." It is not something that religion can fix, either. I have seen too many people fade away in similar ways who had great religious faith. It did not protect them from the suffering in any way. Religion did not ease their passage. It does not appear to be of any particular use at the end of life's journey, based on my observations.

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The Velveteen Ocelot

(121,236 posts)
1. It's a sad thing to watch - I've been there and done that, too.
Thu Apr 18, 2019, 02:34 PM
Apr 2019

My dad said his doctor told him he'd live to be 100 and he replied, "I hope not." As it turned out, he lived to be 92 and by that time he was ready to go. He had Parkinson's so he could hardly get around at all, macular degeneration which meant he couldn't read - something he loved to do - and various other afflictions that were just causing pain and misery. My mom went a little more quickly, but not easily. I'd rather fall down my steps, break my neck and get eaten by my cats, than linger and deteriorate for months or years like they did.

oldtime dfl_er

(6,993 posts)
2. Life is a freaking crapshoot
Thu Apr 18, 2019, 02:35 PM
Apr 2019

My mother is 92 and still as sharp as she was at 30. Her body is failing her, slowly, so perhaps it's true that we live too long in bodies that aren't designed for 90 years of stress and wear. But the mind...it's a crapshoot. And which is worse..to slip off into a rising mist or to be sharply aware of your mortality as your body deteriorates...? No wonder many people seek solace in religion, drugs and other escapist measures.

marble falls

(62,403 posts)
4. Its a concern I have about my medical treatment: am I stealing resources better used for a child ...
Thu Apr 18, 2019, 03:02 PM
Apr 2019

we are living longer lives but our bodies are still wearing out at the same rate as ever.

MineralMan

(147,850 posts)
5. It's not a zero sum thing.
Thu Apr 18, 2019, 03:52 PM
Apr 2019

Healthcare should be for evryone. That's not it. It's something else. Today's healthcare can extend lives beyond reason, I think.

marble falls

(62,403 posts)
6. You're right, of course, one less aircrat carrier alone would pay for it for years. But I am dealing
Thu Apr 18, 2019, 03:54 PM
Apr 2019

with where we are today.

hurl

(979 posts)
7. Religion did not ease their passage
Thu Apr 18, 2019, 04:22 PM
Apr 2019

Some religions make it worse by opposing physician assistance that would help people end their suffering on their own terms.

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