Prosperity Gobbledegook

[Cartoonist]

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.
Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
_

This is the most revealing quote in the Bible. It proves that even the words of Jesus are as empty as a brass mine.

[Thomas Hurt]

1. In my boss' car, I heard a xtian radio preacher one day many years ago....

I paraphrase, but the gist was: Abortion is always a sin, the 300K Ferrari in your garage is between you and God.

[Cartoonist]

2. Jesus said nothing about abortion

Or homosexuality, or gender identity. Yet even the Pope puts words in his mouth.

The Pope is rich.

[vlyons]

3. Prosperity Christianity is one of my pet peeves

I doubt that you will ever hear one of those prosperity preachers give a sermon on Mark 11:15-17

"15: Then they came to Jerusalem. And He entered the temple and began to drive out those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves; 16: and He would not permit anyone to carry merchandise through the temple. 17: And He began to teach and say to them, “Is it not written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations’? But you have made it a den of robbers’ "

[Bretton Garcia]

4. Well, maybe Jesus IS wrong.

Many theologians hint there are at least two competing, opposing theologies, ideas, in the Bible. The 1) Old Testament, which says God will give you material things, even great prosperity, if you are good. Against 2) the New Testament, and often, Jesus. Who sometimes tells you to be spiritual. And to forget about, even despise, material things.

So there's a conflict, contradiction, between God and Jesus.

To try to fix that, one very common sermon suggests a compromise. Suggesting that God will and should give us 1) not obscene "riches"; but 2) at least basic necessities or needs; a minimum wage, more or less. The minimum you need to "live." Subsistence, at least.

Like most religion, much of that might be contradictory. But that's the rough compromise many preachers have reached. In the matter of material rewards, versus spiritual rewards.

[Cartoonist]

5. Compromise

Funny how that's the only thing they will compromise on.

Old: Stone the Gays
New: Above all, love one another.

[Major Nikon]

7. Metaphorical Jesus is never wrong

[trotsky]

6. No, they can easily toss this one aside.

As long as you're rich AND confident that you're saved, you're fine.

Much like when Jesus quite clearly told his followers - all of them - that they should sell all their possessions. Don't see many Christians doing it, but they always have an excuse for ignoring that.

[Major Nikon]

8. To be fair it doesn't say sell ALL your possessions

Matthew 19:21 New International Version (NIV)

21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

Metaphorical Jesus was actually saying it really doesn't matter how much you steal from the poor and deny them basic prevention against terminal disease so long as you throw them a bone on their deathbed.

You know, kinda like how the RCC and LDS rake in billion$, yet only provide the tiniest fraction of that to those in need. How else are you going to afford to send child raping priests pending prosecution to South American countries with lax enforcement of child molestation laws?

[trotsky]

9. Metaphorical Jesus to the rescue!

It's awesome how he saves us from the parts of the bible that are inconvenient.

[Major Nikon]

10. What is convenient is that "giving to the poor" always means funneling that through the church

Which naturally takes a 99% cut of the action.