...having a bad night

[orleans]

my mom left this world six years ago tonight
i am still broken

[polly7]

1. I'm so sorry, orleans.

I wish I knew what to say that might help you feel better, I know how much you miss her. From reading your posts, she sounds like she was an amazing woman. I've found, for myself, that time doesn't heal - it just helps to learn of ways to deal with the pain. These dates bring it all back though, don't they. Wishing you strength and the comfort of the beautiful memories you have of her, especially tonight.

What a beautiful song and tribute to the great love you have for your mom.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear orleans...

[proud patriot]

3. sending you love

<3

[murielm99]

4. I am so sorry.

Hugs.

[ohheckyeah]

5. I am so very sorry.

What I've learned from the wonderful people in this group is great love means great grief. I hope you can find a memory that makes you smile.

[Uben]

6. Wish I could just give you a hug.....

.....I know the feeling! In the first three months of this year I lost my mom, a grandchild, and a father-in-law. HAd to put my step-dad into assisted living facility and I have been allocating as much time as possible to picking him up and getting him out to do his business, taking care of his home (which he still isn't ready to sell), paying his bills and taking him to appointments. Sometimes it feels as if everything is working against you. On top of all that, I have managed to start a relationship with a wonderful lady, and we just moved her into my home. Life isn't always easy...it has it's bumps. Couple that with losing 40% of my retirement income (long story, nothing I had control of) and you have a scenario that could drive a person crazy. Still, I feel blessed to have had my mom for 80 years, to have had a beautiful grandchild for only three days, and to have the opportunity to be able to take care of my step-dad when he needs me the most. Perspective! I remain positive because the alternative won't solve anything.

I have my days, too, my dear Orleans, I guess we all do. Grieving is truly a journey. Tomorrow is a different day, and hopefully a better one for you and everyone here.

Uben

[orleans]

7. thank you all--so much for your gentle thoughts, your kind words, and hugs

it was just such a terrible night last night--the worst i've had in a long, long time (except for the night before which was just as bad)

it was just all building, and building, in my head--you know?

she died on a tuesday--yesterday was tuesday. it was a rainy evening and night. yesterday was a rainy evening and night. just a lot of repeating of things--in my head, and in the world around me.

today was a lot better--there hasn't been a crash yet and hopefully there will not be.

i have know grief throughout my life--as most of us/all of us have. i saw it in the faces and heard it in the whispers of older relatives when i was a child, wandering around the funeral home with my older cousins. we officially met when i was fifteen and my nana, who lived with us, died. and a couple years later when a dear friend was murdered. and on and on and on it goes. my father, other relatives, friends, beloved pets, both before and since my mom left. but grief has never been so intense, so severe, so debilitating, so cruel to me than the grief that became part of my life six years ago.

at least it's not like it was--i can go for days, a week, sometimes longer, pushing it back and pushing it down, and pretending everything is normal and fine.