There is already drama & angst over clearing out my Moms' apartment

[irisblue]

Sigh.
One of my brothers stole from my mom to pay for drugs before he was arrested on other serious charges and served many years of deserved prison time. I still hate him for what he did to my mom, he broke her heart.

Rotten brother (RB) mentioned that Mom had cash in her apartment. Good brother, SIL & I went over on Sunday afternoon to start packing up. I made it my goal to find the money. I found it. Mom had some hidden in her bibles & a few other places.
My sister, SIL GB & I counted it out in front of each other, the money was deposited in Moms bank account on Monday am to cover her final bills.

RB went with sister to do more cleaning and was angry that Moms' bibles & books were disturbed..
When GB got there later that afternoon, RB tried picking a fight. It did not go too far.

I am deeply glad I was there, took what my mom left for me, and I feel slightly guilty I am not helping clean out her apartment.

Some family members do suck

[leftieNanner]

1. So sorry you are going through this

Drama on top of sadness.

You did the right thing.

[onecaliberal]

2. I'm sorry.

It is heartbreaking. At least you got there in time. I'm so glad you were able to get the things your mom left for you.

[Deuxcents]

3. In times like this, it brings out the best in people.

Unfortunately, it also brings out the worst in others. Live in peace and sweet memories of your mom and let the others find their way. 🌺

[Voltaire2]

4. Sibling catastrophes are normal at this time.

It can take years to settle out.

[LastDemocratInSC]

10. Quite true.

[Duncanpup]

5. Hugs to you

[Ocelot II]

6. Winding up an estate can bring out some bad behavior in some relatives, heirs,

or would-be heirs. I haven't spoken to a sister-in-law since my mother passed away in 2004 and I was the co-executor of her estate with my dad (who is also gone now). I got some really vicious emails from her after I closed the estate because the estate didn't pay her and her husband (my brother) for some assistance they (along with my other brother and I) provided her while she was ill and for sorting out possessions and helping dad move out of their house after she passed away. She was happy to pick over mom's stuff and take the some of the nicest things, which I didn't feel like fighting over. My brother had never asked to be paid, and estates don't pay surviving relatives for ordinary personal services anyhow, which I tried to explain, but she was irrationally nasty about it. After our dad died six years later she didn't come to his funeral, which was fine with me.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this; there always seems to be one relative who has to make everything worse.

[BoomaofBandM]

7. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Don't feel guilty. You do what you can, but you also need to step back and take care of yourself. I think your mom was lucky to have you in her life.

[MOMFUDSKI]

8. I read that during the cleaning out process

siblings will revert to their roles as kids growing up. I watched it in action observing my husband’s sibs behavior. It was amazing.

[Rebl2]

9. My sisters

and I seem to be weird I guess. My youngest sister didn’t want much, I wanted a few things and my older sister, who doesn’t live here, wanted all the quilts and a mantle clock. My nephew took just a couple things. My niece didn’t really want anything either.

[SpamWyzer]

11. I found

after my wife died that family become strange through the grieving and loss they each experience. RB is not any different in that way. Try to forgive and move on...if only for your sake. We ALL make mistakes. WE ALL have secret regrets too. Peace.

[radical noodle]

12. I've seen it happen in so many families

Makes me glad I'm an only child. I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and avoid the drama.

[lonely bird]

13. We had a different problem

Our father abused our mother. She died many years ago from cancer. The whole thing resulted in all of us getting counseling and also becoming somewhat estranged. Not due to anything anyone of us did but more like wanting to stay away from family drama. Our father remarried after several years to a nice woman. Still he abused her a bit emotionally. When he finally died we had to deal with their house because she couldn’t afford to stay there and the house had been willed to us. There was a life estate attached to it as well as a loan. We ended up getting it sold but it cost us about 10 grand to do so. Drove my one brother nuts.

Family stuff can really suck.

[OMGWTF]

14. My RB stole over $40K from our mother.

Fker still owes me money too.

[Ponietz]

15. The least favorite child often mucks up the passing

[irisblue]

17. From my observation RB was her favorite child from early childhood on

RB is very hard of hearing to early childhood events. He did have significant social adjustment issues in the 60s-mid 70s when he finally courtesy graduated HS. Effective schooling wasn't a thing in that era. He was never able to develop healthy friends as a kid & teen because he was a bully. Mom enabled his poor actions over the years.

RB was most definitely Moms' favorite,due I suspect to her guilt.

[iluvtennis]

16. Some family members act like vultures. It is really sickening. Hugs to you.

[appleannie1]

18. I am so sorry that one member of your family is making a very hard necessity even harder.

I am the family member that took physical care of my dad, 17 years later my mom and also my husband's father. My family were all grateful and supportive that I was close enough and trained enough to do that. I am also grateful that my husband rearrange our home and made room for hospital beds and equipment to care for all of them. I wish, when my f-i-l had a massive stroke my husband's sister had been the same way. I feel for you and your family as you have to deal with something so emotionally draining. Stay close to your good family members and support each other. And try to remember that addiction is a disease that not only changes people physically but also controls the brain. Hugs.

[appleannie1]

19. I am so sorry that one member of your family is making a very hard necessity even harder.

I am the family member that took physical care of my dad, 17 years later my mom and also my husband's father. My family were all grateful and supportive that I was close enough and trained enough to do that. I am also grateful that my husband rearranged our home and made room for hospital beds and equipment to care for all of them. I wish, when my f-i-l had a massive stroke my husband's sister had been the same way. I feel for you and your family as you have to deal with something so emotionally draining. Stay close to your good family members and support each other. And try to remember that addiction is a disease that not only changes people physically but also controls the brain. Hugs.

[Martin68]

20. It's sad and painful when family members throw unnecessary difficulties into the mix after a loved

one dies. It's hard enough under any conditions.

[catbyte]

21. I'm so glad I was an only child because deaths seem to bring out the worst in some

siblings. My late husband experienced this. When his dad died, my husband was cheated out of everything by his wicked stepmother. My husband was adopted at 6 months and then his mom became pregnant with his sister about 5 months later. Anyway, as we sat around the table after his dad's death, the wicked stepmother said, "Well, it's not like you were his real son anyway" and his sister just sat there, silent. The money was more important than her brother. I think we saw his sister once after that; he cut her off like a hangnail and I don't blame him.

I'm sorry you're dealing with drama, too.