We moved Dad out of his home today

[MissMillie]

He was living in my sister's two-family house, which he used to own. A couple of nights ago, he wandered outside in the middle of the night (without waking sis). He made his way home okay (thank goodness) but he had locked himself out.

It's terrifying to know he was out there in the middle of the night. He could have fell and injured himself--the roads/sidewalks were covered in ice. He could have gotten hit by a car in the darkness. He could have forgotten his way home.

It was an immediate decision that he needed to be where people were able to keep a closer eye on him, so he has moved in with my brother & his wife down in CT.

I know he's angry. He's lived in this home for 60 years. I'm sure he's a little afraid about such a new atmosphere. I'm afraid for him on that front.

This really is best. It just happened so quickly. It feels like a gut punch.

I'm going to miss him. I have been cooking for him 4 nights a week for years now.

I'm afraid he's going to forget me. He hasn't remembered my name for some time now, referring to me as "the one who comes and cooks." How will he remember me now?

[Drum]

1. Sending good vibes to you...such events and transitions are very tough.

[Easterncedar]

2. I'm sorry. It's hard.

It’s good that he has a safe home to go to. Take care of yourself now, at least a little. Ok?

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

3. Glad you've done this for him.

Too many elderly people insist on staying in their home long after they are no longer capable of living on their own. Starting three years ago, it took my sister and me two years to get our brother and his wife out of their home of some 45 years, into assisted living. It's why I fully intend to move myself into independent/assisted living in the foreseeable future. I'm 75 now, and I'm ready to give up the constraints of home ownership. I'm waiting for My Son The Astronomer to finish his PhD, and depending on where he finds a job, I might well re-locate across the country to be closer to him.

[niyad]

4. hugggggs Holding you in light and love in this difficult time. Your DU family

is here for you, if you have need of us.

[Diamond_Dog]

5. I'm sorry, MissMillie

You did the right thing, even if he will tell you he was perfectly fine on his own. You had no choice. My mother was like that. She kept falling down but was angry when my sister moved her into her home and hired a home health aide to stay with her during the day. She kept insisting she was fine living alone.

It tough all around and I feel for you.

[Jilly_in_VA]

6. So sorry this has happened

A friend is going to have to make this decision soon, and his mom is fighting him with everything she's got. His brother, who is also caring for her, is not sure yet. I don't know what's going to happen, but she definitely needs to be someplace where she can be looked after 24/7.

[bucolic_frolic]

7. You have to do what you have to do

Truth is, caregivers emotionally feel like every day will be like all the days before. They don't notice tiny incremental decline, where balance is closer to imbalance or cold weather makes the lips a little too blue. So the tipping point gets closer and closer until one day something new happens and it's not beneficial. You are lucky he's safe, you did the right thing for him.

[XanaDUer2]

8. I'm sorry

It must be hard.

[Trueblue Texan]

9. Black rugs in front of exits...

...help decrease wandering outside. Dementia impairs sensory abilities as well as cognitive. A black rug looks like a big hole for someone sensory impaired. Hopefully your sis is keeping doors alarmed as well. Sorry you're having to let go sooner than you expected. Dementia is a horrible illness. Take care.

[leighbythesea2]

10. The path

Is not a gradual decline, and so many people tried to warn me. Loss of function is ragged, with cliff drop-offs. He had a seminal moment of wandering and that’s such a safety risk for all the reasons you stated.
So this had to be, but you are left reeling as the caregiver, bc it changed everything. I am so sorry. Sending you a hug. There is no way to ease your sense of loss easily.

Going into a memory care for my mom had a one-day-could-have-her-with-me-still to
Not-sure-I-can-keep-her-safe situation. It’s heartbreaking.
Hopefully you can zoom or FaceTime a little? They remember sometimes better than they can articulate.