is anyone dealing with a personality disordered parent?

[starshine00]

I live with my mother and she is borderline to narcissist and they have a very hard time dealing with aging. She daily projects onto me her sadness that her children and her family several counties away are not living up to expectations of what her elder life should have been like. It is very challenging for me to keep my joy and positive attitude as I have PTSD and several mental illness dx's. She is probably in better health than me but seems determined to cast herself as almost physically disabled and deprived of any real support emotionally from her children (who are all good people).

[tonyt53]

1. Kinda, sorta

My mother-in-law was that way up until a couple of years before her death at 79. It was a real struggle for my wife and her sister.

[starshine00]

5. it is very tough

I have heard that they didn't age well and don't handle old age well and this appears to be true. She lived with her great aunt growing up who had eleven children and those children all had several kids each so their house was like a congregation of people all the time. My mother waxes depressive about how she thought all her children would be gathered around her like her aunts eleven children were. Only two of us live in town and my siblings all have small children. She is very negative and bizarre. I think if she continues this way she will not even make it into her late seventies though I always expected her to live into her late 80's or early nineties because that is how long lived her family is. But the narcissism really prevents her from enjoying anything. Oh well, just venting.

[targetpractice]

2. My mother is/was a malignant narcissist...

Now she has Alzheimer's or dementia where she has no ability to form new memories.

I lived with her a few years ago, and through my adult eyes I realized her narcissism... It was an epiphany... So much of my childhood suddenly made sense.

Good luck.

[tonyt53]

3. That is what "cured" my mother-in-law also.

[starshine00]

4. thanks

One thing that has shocked me since the death of my father has been her dishonesty. Like suddenly she has claimed to have not voted for Trump though I am certain she did. She alters reality at will. Honestly I many times feel she is closer to sociopathy. She is 70 and in good shape physically so if she stays reasonably active she might last many years (though I may not).

[samnsara]

7. shes not that old...

I'm 66 and I'm the caregiver here... Was she always like this when you were growing up? One thing I noticed about my dads dementia is his behavior isn't new....its just HIGHLY exaggerated.

[samnsara]

6. holy moly...

...you are having a rough time! I'm so sorry that its all being dumped on you. Being a caregiver is hard enough when your 100% healthy. At this point its more important to keep yourself healthy and mentally fit first! You will be no good to mom if you're totally incapacitated. Be sure to take breaks.....lock yourself away with some calming music. I brought my Echo Dot to my parents and I asked for 'soothing music'...and even the dogs calm down.

((((hugs))))