my dad just passed. at 9:40 am today :( My two sisters are trying to challange my executorship..

[samnsara]

...11 hrs before he passed one of my sis was granted guardianship of him (because she lied to the judge and said i 'struck' him!!??...and shes a control freak)..but that guardianship only lasted 12 hours. The few hours before he passed, she had all his banking and checking accts closed. All his bills were connected to those accts. We have a lawyer on retainer now $$$$$. Anyone have these issues and what should i expect? Can they challenge my executorship and try to change the will? Im worried they will cut me OUT of the will. Dont get me wrong..Dads estate is less than 200K and the will is straight forward..'split 3 ways after expenses'. All three of us girls had POA.. NEVER have more than one as POA at one time.

Dad was 93 and a Veteran of WWII and the Korean War. A news paper man..an author..an Editor..a Publisher..my Hero

xxx

love you, Daddy.

[stopbush]

1. Death of a parent often brings out the worst in their progeny.

Good luck.

[rzemanfl]

2. My condolences. Let the lawyer handle the probate. I expect your sisters will

be convinced to let the estate be administered as the will directs.

[enough]

3. Oh samansara, so sorry for your loss. What a great life he had. NT

[samnsara]

19. thank you all for your condolences. I wasn't able to get back to post my thank yous...

....the death of a parent brings out the worse. Two things I learned..NEVER make more than one person ( at a time) the Power of Atty... and stipulate in your will that if anyone disputes any part of your will they only get 1$. My lawyer has it in probate now and keeping my fingers crossed this ends soon. One sis has already moved out of state.

[Siwsan]

4. I am so sorry for your loss!

I can't offer any advice. My experience in handling my mother's estate was surprisingly stress free, sibling wise since it was just me and my brother, and we are very close. Not so much with my aunt's, but the challenges I feared never developed.

I'd be surprised if they can challenge your executorship but I'd sure be in touch with the lawyer, right away. I know having a lawyer to help me through settling two estates in a row was a sanity saver. My aunt's had to go through probate, after I found two accounts that had my late sister listed as the beneficiary. Somehow that was missed.

I never begrudged a single dollar paid to my lawyer.

Again, my deepest and most sincere sympathy.

[BigmanPigman]

5. My dad died out of the blue 4 weeks ago today.

He was perfectly healthy and physically 10 years younger than he actually was. It is the worst thing I have ever experienced and am grateful my family always got along and trusted each other, at least as far as the most important issues go, like finances. If I had to deal with those problems on top of feeling like I lost my best friend (which he is/was) I would be an even bigger basket case than I have been. Please take care of yourself!

[alwaysinasnit]

9. My condolences on your loss. No words are ever adequate but, FWIW, I am sure a lot of us here

are sending positive vibes.

[BigmanPigman]

11. Thank you. Everyone who has responded has been very kind.

I am a wreck, to put it mildly.

[alwaysinasnit]

13. Been there. It really helps to have someone nearby to hold your hand and sit with you. No words are

needed. As much of a wreck as you are feeling, judging by your previous posts, you are a strong person and will find your way.

[BigmanPigman]

15. Don't be fooled...

I am a Cancer (hard outer defense shell, soft mushy insides). We are very sensitive and emotional and that does not help at times like this.

[alwaysinasnit]

16. I think I have an idea about Cancers as I am married to one. Anyway, I hope you find a measure of

tranquility soon.

[samnsara]

20. Im so sorry! At least I was able to say good bye to my dad :(

[BigmanPigman]

24. Thank you.

It is almost he didn't die since it was so sudden and unexpected. It seems like he could be on a trip/vacation and I'll see him soon.....but then reality sinks in and BOOM...lots of tears.

[Ohiogal]

6. I'm so sorry about your dad

He sounds like a great guy.

[Bayard]

7. So sorry for you, Samnsara, and Bigman

Losing a beloved family member is just the worst. Been through it too many times now.

But as Joe Biden has said--one day you'll be able to look back with smiles instead of tears.

[alwaysinasnit]

8. My heart goes out to you samnsara. I had a similar antagonistic situation when my mother died.

FWIW

Best advice is to have an experienced lawyer. Challenges to you as executor may show up as character issues that would make you "unfit" to be executor. I am curious about the guardianship; in CA there is guardianship of the person, and of the finances. If your sister was only given guardianship of your father's person, she had no authority to touch any of your father's assets.

It is absolutely awful to have to deal with your grief, and then have it compounded with sibling shit. I think I know what you're going through. Perhaps, for now, let anger carry you forward until you feel strong enough to work through your grief. Stay strong.

[Sherman A1]

10. Best of luck

as stated above a death in the family often brings out the worst in family members. I recall a story my Mom told me of her Grandmother being buried in the 1930s when my Mom was very young. She said they got her to the graveyard and it was a free for all car race by the family to the house to clean it out. The place was apparently stripped bare.

When My Mom passed awayeverything went to my Sister as was prearranged by all of us. When my M-I-L passes away my Wife & I will submit a letter to the Executor declining any inheritance as we expect it to be a complete mess based upon the characters involved.

[Blue_playwright]

39. I wish we knew you could do that ...

My husbands family lost their damn minds when his mother died. While she was dying his siblings made her change her will. Wanted to cut the adopted sibling out of the will entirely, did cut out another sibling they don’t approve of, moved her from one location to a nursing home without telling half the family then refusing to tell that half where she was, hub had to threaten their scuzzy lawyer to get the location. It’s insane. My hub deals with end of life issues at his job (VA) but his brother thinks he’s smarter and cut him out of her EOL decisions because we aren’t wealthy and therefore stupid (and so must be greedy). Yes, they are Republicans.

Then they just buried her ashes with her ex husband and not the one she spent the last 25 years of her life happily with. The ex was a child rapist, beat the crap outta her and their kids and she left him decades ago. But they both have this perfect family fantasy and this weird obsession of getting them back together.

Well they are together now. And we’ve lost half our family due to their flat out insanity.

Long story short. You are not alone. People lose their damn minds when parents die.

Whoa. Thread hijack. Guess I needed to get that out. Lol

[Sherman A1]

40. Terribly sorry to hear that things turned out as they did for your husband's family

It was once told me that You really don't know someone until you go through a divorce with them. I believe that relates to heirs and estates as well.

[Dr Vegas]

12. Mom passed last month, Dad two years ago

My brother was Caretaker and had POA for years now. A close family friend was established the Executor of the estate simply because my Dad want to avoid an infighting among his children. Now the older sister is on the hunt for money. Six years ago she wanted to throw my parents in a Nursing Home and sell their house. He didn't want to do that, she she ended all communication with the parents.
We (my brother and me) were able to fulfill my Dad's wish to die at home , when the time came at the age of 92. After an year of his death we had to move my Mom to assisted living. A facility that was safe and clean run by a group of Nuns. My Mom had been in poor health for years. My brother made many attempts to keep the lines of communication open for My Mom and her children. We got her a free caption phone from the state. I printed out and delivered weekly emails that were format in large print for her to read. My brother used his Ipad to set up Facetime sessions with the rest of the family. At 82 she took a turn to the worse and within a week she had passed.

We waited till after easter to have her service so that family could fly in. Even after that consideration I had to listen to snide remarks all week how My brother and I prevent the others from seeing her and that we have hidden all the money.

After the service, my brother left the state to take a week's vacation , his first in 6 years. I was at my parents house with the executor, as family grabbed what they wanted. I left after a few hours because I could not handle all the drama, and was afraid I would do some evil like smack someone on the side of the head.

When we were in probate a lawyer explained that this kind of drama happens all the time.

I hope things work out for you

[samnsara]

21. was it even legal for your relatives to go in and take stuff?

[2naSalit]

14. So sorry to hear that.

Don't know what to say about the aftermath, my mom is getting near her transition but my sisters and I are all in agreement with everything and we discuss everything. One of the has POE and that's enough. The other helps with mom's care, we never know where the brother is unless he's standing right there with us.

I hope this gets cleared up. I suppose that you might find all the back up you can muster and show what their intentions are and why they aren't making sense.

[lettucebe]

17. If accounts were closed where did the money go?

That's pretty awful behavior but yes, death brings out the fangs.

Anyone can contest a will. It will cost money to hire lawyers but there's no chance a contest would prevail if there are three heirs and the estate is set to be settled evenly. There is simply no legal basis -- your sisters are already in the will, and a false claim against you isn't going to justify writing you out of the will.

So, I'd go hire a probate lawyer. I'm so sorry this is happening, and so sorry for your loss. You say you already have a lawyer but is that your personal lawyer or one hired for the estate? You'll need a separate lawyer if your sisters are trying to challenge your right to your inheritance since the estate lawyer cannot represent both you and them at the same time (it'd create a conflict), which means more wasted money. My concern is lawyers. They will bill for every single minute, so do not call and chat (ever!), just be all business. I spent an hour talking to a lawyer I'd hired about his website and he ended up charging for that hour.

That lawyer would charge if I sent an email (charge to review it), so don't send emails that say nothing more than "okay" or "will do that now" or any other short reply. Just do not reply unless you must add more information. Be careful about billable hours (which are all hours, and they do not need to work an hour to bill an hour - most bill in 15 min increments, so one minute is 15 -- 16 minutes is 30 - just how it works. Keep that in mind just to try to keep costs down.

I used to work as a paralegal and worked in probate

[samnsara]

22. my lawyer has it in probate now...we had him on a retainer for other business we did with him..

...hes pretty fair and lets us know up front the cost of what he will do for us bu yep you're right it can get $$$

[lunasun]

18. Condolences samsara. Sounds like you need that lawyer. Cleaned out the accounts? Terrible

So sorry for all you are going through
Take care tonight and through this very difficult time

[samnsara]

23. thank you

[MissMillie]

25. My condolences

I wish you luck w/ the battles you are about to face. Losing the parent is difficult enough without that added stuff.

I don't know anything about what they can do or what they can't do, so I can offer no advice.

[Heartstrings]

26. Forever in your heart, samnsara.....nt

[PJMcK]

28. Very sad to hear of your loss

Your love for your father is patently clear from your post. Clearly, he loved and trusted you. Draw your strength from that knowledge.

I've been through the executorship for a deceased friend and his nephew and nieces have been nothing but pains in the ass. My suggestion is to lawyer up. Tell your attorney that you expect them to play hardball and use every legal tactic to fend off your siblings. Your father deserves nothing less than 100%.

Remember, it isn't personal, it's business. It sounds like your sister is trying to "steal the coins from the eyes of the dead." Don't let it happen! The estate should be handled as directed by your father. Your lawyer will see to that.

My best wishes to you in this time of loss. I'm so sorry you have to deal with family troubles at this time. Be strong, samnsara.

[asiliveandbreathe]

29. Let your dad's love sustain you through a most difficult time..you have friends at DU who

genuinely care about your wellbeing.. thought of your Dad each day will bring you comfort..

[delisen]

30. Get advice from responsible eldercare law firm.

and I emphasize responsible because it is important to not use a firm which may run up a bill unnecessarily.

You may only need a one time consult

Being an executor is a serious legal responsibility.

I don't want to be alarmist-sometimes there are just strong feeling around the death of a parent and which temporarily cause people to be at odds-

Try to keep lines of communication open as a sister, and also carry out the executor role in a business-like manner.
These are two separate roles.

[awesomerwb1]

31. My condolences for your your loss.

I had to go through that a few years ago.Two brothers who absolutely despise each other left me and my sister with very little in the ensuing war. I hope your situation ends peacefully and fairly.

[IADEMO2004]

32. They literally waited until the eleventh hour? Very sad for your Dad and you.

Hope family feud doesn't generate billable hours for lawyers. If you were named executor by your father I'd think that would be favorable to you. I hope your situation heals quickly. Peace to all.

[at140]

33. Kids fight like vultures when parents pass

Not always, but more often than they should.

My parents owned 3 houses and stocks when they passed. I let my brother and 3 sisters take all the proceeds because I earned enough on my own, and did not wish to fight over the estate.

[TEB]

34. Sorry for your loss

[in2herbs]

35. If he died that close to the guardianship order and they did what you say you might be able

to challenge on criminal charges of financial abuse of an elderly person. I don't think it would hurt to talk to a criminal attorney or an elderly law attorney about this.

[KT2000]

36. Sorry about your loss

family issues like you are going through an make it even harder.
Good advice about multiple Power of Attorney. My SIL is going through this now. Banks will not accept multiple POA and one can see why. They are placed in the middle of warring family members.

My SIL is now asking the court to appoint an executor. The only solution for her.

[dewsgirl]

37. I am so sorry.

I hope things get better for you.

[madaboutharry]

38. I am sorry to read your story samnsara.

Condolences on your loss.

Some people are selfish with no love in their heart. Try to keep in mind that your sister’s behavior isn’t about you. It’s about who she is.

I have a story about what my sister-in-law did to my husband when their mom died. To make a long story short: she stole half a house. It was pretty disgusting. He wanted to sue her but I talked him out of it. It wasn’t worth the pain. But you know what? It cost her a brother.

I don’t know what is wrong with people.

[JudyM]

41. They can't change his Will, you're safe on that front, anyway.

My brothers became stunningly selfish after my dad passed last spring. I’m POA for my mother and there’s so much to do between finances, the house (she declined and is in assisted living), her doctors and meds + trying to maintain her health and spirits, his and her legal paperwork, etc, etc. and my brothers are just fine sitting back not lifting a finger, and actively sowing discord. Like, who needs that extra drama, along with a ton of work and stress. I guess a lot of folks go through this, you can tell from the stories in this thread.
Make time for peaceful self-supporting things. I am just starting to work out again, and it’s making me feel a lot better.

[NurseJackie]

42. Strength to you... I'm very sorry this is happening.

Barely time to grieve. Not even time to plan for services before this happens. It's not right.