The daily episode of something else that has slipped away.

[Ilsa]

My MIL lives somewhat independently in the basement apartment. But she's gradually losing her know-how. Today she came up to tell me she can't get any hot water in her bathroom.

It's true that the hot water has to travel further across the floorplan to reach her bathroom. But I turned it all the way up and got plenty of hot water after about 30 seconds. I asked her to show me where she sets the water temp on the knob and it was only about 1/3 up from cold. I showed her how to keep turning the spigot to reach a warmer temp. She looked confused.

Don't worry, my hot water heater is set at a temp below what would hurt children and elderly.

[flying_wahini]

1. Step by step it comes for us all.

[RainCaster]

2. Having been there...

It's time to start leaving notes for her.
The daily meds list
Tape marks on shower knob
Anything else as it comes up.

[Ilsa]

3. We administer her meds twice a day. She can't

figure out the Sunday through Saturday pill boxes I set up for her. She rarely knows what day of the week it is, and the SMTWTFS is too confusing for her. Usually, if I don't have them downstairs on her table, she'll come up and ask for them, but she won't remember to do that at night. She has some sundowning.

I like the idea of using colored tape to mark where she should turn the faucet to. I may have to implement that one sooner vs later. Thank you.

[3Hotdogs]

4. Is she alone during the day?

If so, does she have a tracking device on her?

What are your plans for escalation of dementia? Were either her or her husband war veterans? Korea, Viet Nam?

Are there assets to protect?

[Ilsa]

5. No assets to protect.

I'm trying to get her in line for help from VA, but being in Georgia, I'm loathe to drive into heavily "infected" areas where the VA is located.

I've tried to get her active outside of the home, but she has refused other activities (recreational or volunteer) since moving in with us years ago. She doesn't go outside except to take out her trash, and that's via a locked, fenced yard which she has access to. Her access to the front is through my kitchen. She complains about the weather -- too hot, too cold, so she doesn't want to be out very much. Her son is working from home now.

We do our best to watch her and keep her healthy. I can tell something is wrong with her physically when she suddenly becomes unreasonably antagonistic. But I also have a grown son with severe autism I take care of, right now with no state help.

[3Hotdogs]

6. Try contacting a local American Legion post.

They have people who assist in downloading and filling out forms. They may be willing to come to your house or a nearby "socially distant" park to do that. You wouldn't have to drive to a city.

If you have difficulty finding Amer. Legion help, message me. I know the N.J. Commander of the Am. Legion. He can assist you.

V.F.W. probably also has such assistance.

She may be entitled to a monthly stipend. If she is eligible for lodging in a V.A. home, there is usually a wait of 1 or 2 years. So it would be good to begin that process in case (when) she gets to the point that you can no longer mentally or physically care for her.

[Ilsa]

7. Thank you. I appreciate this offer.

My father, a WW2 vet, didn't try to get VA services near the end of his chronic illness. I don't know why, but perhaps it was due to location. I wasn't as involved in his care on a daily basis.

My MIL is the spouse of Vietnam vet with three tours to Asia with Special Forces. It's likely Agent Orange exposure was affecting his neurological system before a heart attack took him down. She worked and raised three children while he was gone. It became so difficult that her younger sister moved from Tx to NC to help her at home. I anticipate needing help with her at home, if possible.

I'll look for an American Legion post. Just getting the right forms would be a huge help.

Again, thank you.

[3Hotdogs]

8. Glad to help.

Her, being the spouse of a war vet, she is eligible. She is also eligible for VA nursing home, in residence, care. But there is a wait for spouses. My mother's wait was 1 1/2 years. That is why I recommend applying for it now.

You can decline the offer when her turn comes up but you may want that as a fall back if things become too difficult to manage.

[mahina]

10. I'm sorry to hear it. My Dad only finally went to the VA a year before he died

But the good people there helped him get into a beautiful senior housing in our old neighborhood that looked over a baseball field where he could watch little league games and a community garden. It was a studio but he had everything he needed. It was a blessing.

He didn’t want anything to do with the VA from the time he came home till within a year if the end. He was also in the Special Forces in Vietnam and also was exposed to lots of Agent Orange.

Peace and good luck, aloha.

[Trueblue Texan]

9. Here's a strategy...

Put some waterproof tape on the wall behind the faucet handle and mark a line where the handle needs to be to deliver hot water. Write "HOT" near that line so she will be able to remember how far to turn it in the future. Sometimes the easiest way to help them is to change the environment to support their needs. Memory can get very unreliable as you're probably seeing.