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Glamrock

(11,994 posts)
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:43 PM Jan 2021

FUUUUUUCKK!

My mother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s summer of ‘19. Personally, I think it’s Louis Body dementia with Parkinsonion symptoms. She’s fucking rocketing down the dementia hill, man.

Today, I’m cooking dinner and she calls me upstairs. The toilet overflowed. I get the wet/dry vac and get to it, dig? Get it dry enough to go in and I find this....



And of fucking course, she didn’t do it. Yeah, just me n her here but “someone” must have done it. It’s always fucking “someone” but not her. I’ll tell you this, if I ever find “someone’ in this house, “someone” is being dragged to the woodshed and getting his ass kicked. Fuck!

I was much more calm when dealing with her even though I was feeling white hot anger at the moment....

Just needed to vent. Thanks DU.

26 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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FUUUUUUCKK! (Original Post) Glamrock Jan 2021 OP
That's got to be hard. underpants Jan 2021 #1
It might be slightly easier had I had children, but I didn't. Glamrock Jan 2021 #3
Oh my,... God Bless you,.... don't blow a gasket though. magicarpet Jan 2021 #2
I'm trying! Glamrock Jan 2021 #5
Plan into the future,... likely not get easier,... magicarpet Jan 2021 #11
Glad you know that you can vent safely here. Taking care of a loved one with dementia, or niyad Jan 2021 #4
Thanks Niyad! Glamrock Jan 2021 #7
You are most welcome. Vibes, weed. . . Whatever it takes to get you through. niyad Jan 2021 #16
My parents Rebl2 Jan 2021 #18
I'd be plenty pissed off, too Ohiogal Jan 2021 #6
Jesus, sister. Glamrock Jan 2021 #8
Bless her heart. Cracklin Charlie Jan 2021 #9
I wish me patience to Charlie! Glamrock Jan 2021 #10
you have to learn to go with the flow and try not to get pissed off. She's your mom...think how demosincebirth Jan 2021 #12
just know.... handmade34 Jan 2021 #13
So sorry this happened to you today. No Vested Interest Jan 2021 #14
This message was self-deleted by its author No Vested Interest Jan 2021 #15
Been there. Just like you would childproof a room procon Jan 2021 #17
That's a tough row to hoe, bro... 2naSalit Jan 2021 #19
Oh 2na! Glamrock Jan 2021 #22
Thanks, Glam... 2naSalit Jan 2021 #23
Thanks 2na Glamrock Jan 2021 #24
Awww... 2naSalit Jan 2021 #25
My mom lived over 15 years after having been diagnosed with Alzheimers. I can definitely alwaysinasnit Jan 2021 #20
Bless you! I did this for my father. blueinredohio Jan 2021 #21
+1 2naSalit Jan 2021 #26

Glamrock

(11,994 posts)
3. It might be slightly easier had I had children, but I didn't.
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:47 PM
Jan 2021

Not to brag, but my ability to clamp down my anger is fucking legendary at this point. Although this one damn near pushed me into a screaming asshole.

Thanks pants, like I said, just needed to vent. Thanks fer being there bro!

Glamrock

(11,994 posts)
5. I'm trying!
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:50 PM
Jan 2021

Not a religious man in any way and I find me self reciting the serenity prayer under my breath.

magicarpet

(16,747 posts)
11. Plan into the future,... likely not get easier,...
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:01 PM
Jan 2021

Maybe a back up elder care sitter to give yourself a break once and awhile. Brother, sister, outside home care assistance to come in one or two days a week so you can get out six/eight hours to recharge,/refresh.

niyad

(120,398 posts)
4. Glad you know that you can vent safely here. Taking care of a loved one with dementia, or
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:49 PM
Jan 2021

Any cognitive or health issues, is exhausting, and heartbreaking. Sending vibes for patience, and strength, and endurance.

Glamrock

(11,994 posts)
7. Thanks Niyad!
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:51 PM
Jan 2021

Means more than you know! I think I feel your vibes coming on, although, could be the weed.

Seriously, though. Thank you.

niyad

(120,398 posts)
16. You are most welcome. Vibes, weed. . . Whatever it takes to get you through.
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:17 PM
Jan 2021

And do, please, check into respite care. It can be such a help. As others have pointed out, it is only going to get harder. Make use of every resource you can find.

Rebl2

(14,870 posts)
18. My parents
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:27 PM
Jan 2021

are in a nursing home because I could not ever physically or now mentally take care of them anymore. Unfortunately the mental part of not being able to handle everything still goes on especially now with Covid.

Glamrock

(11,994 posts)
10. I wish me patience to Charlie!
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:00 PM
Jan 2021

But there’s times where it’s being spread over too much toast, you dig? I’m doing my best not to blow up, brother. I was on the edge with this one. Marching through the house mumbling “Jesus fucking Christ. The toilet overflowed, oh you think. Etc.” Dude, I almost lost my shit. Hence the venting post.

demosincebirth

(12,740 posts)
12. you have to learn to go with the flow and try not to get pissed off. She's your mom...think how
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:02 PM
Jan 2021

many shitty diapers she's changed on you and your siblings. Best for you to find a support group, that's what helped me. Good luck.






handmade34

(22,937 posts)
13. just know....
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:05 PM
Jan 2021

you will smile about this one day!!

I took care of my dad (dementia) for his last few years. .

he was absolutely convinced that my partner had taken his long underwear and he was upset

he found his way down to the local car dealer and wrote a check (he still had his checkbook- big mistake) for a new Ford Escape and had the salesman drive it home for him

so many stories we have to remember him by



No Vested Interest

(5,201 posts)
14. So sorry this happened to you today.
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:13 PM
Jan 2021

Perhaps try to keep her near you where you can keep an eye on the situation before too much happens.
Frankly, just as you do with a young child that you can't trust out of your sight.

Response to Glamrock (Original post)

procon

(15,805 posts)
17. Been there. Just like you would childproof a room
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:20 PM
Jan 2021

From busy little kids, now you need to adult proof a room for people with dementia. It will stream line your workload and prevent many of these little mess maker problems.

Sometimes you only need to secure a few things, but you may end up with a room as austere as a jail cell. It just depends on the person as to how set they are in wreaking stuff. Choose larger items over smaller ones, that makes them more difficult to cram into another potential mess.

2naSalit

(93,098 posts)
19. That's a tough row to hoe, bro...
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 09:09 PM
Jan 2021

You could be thankful she didn't burn down the house. Sounds like "proofing" the house is in order. My mom kind of crashed into dementia real hard about 20 months ago and it was hard to keep her from being hurt at home so we had put her in assisted living. She died from covid on 12/31... a little over two weeks ago.

The dementia is the hardest part, you can also look into hospice care that is not end of life care but someone who comes and gives you a hand in caring for your mom and help you with ideas on how to deal with some of these little nightmares, they are two separate services. It might help to look into that. It becomes too much to deal with after a time and you are only qualified for so much of the care she needs. Also, memory care is something you might consider.

Caring for an elder parent is hard and you should remember to not beat yourself into the ground trying to do it all yourself. You have to take care of yourself too, dear.



Glamrock

(11,994 posts)
22. Oh 2na!
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 10:03 PM
Jan 2021

I had no idea! I am so sorry! I’m a shit online friend. I am so sorry to hear! Oh man. My deepest condolences, sister. I’m so sorry.

2naSalit

(93,098 posts)
23. Thanks, Glam...
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 10:24 PM
Jan 2021

It's okay. Really. I didn't really announce it here so don't feel like you missed it. She was in her nineties and barely with us at that point.

She had a few lucid moments with my sisters in the last few weeks where she said that she wanted go and they told her it was okay if she was ready. Then a couple days before xmas she tested positive for the virus. We knew it would kill her, so we made sure she was not suffering through medication. It was kind of a blessing in that she was ready to go and might have lived for years being horribly miserable. It feels better to know she isn't suffering anymore. She was declining for ten years and two of my sisters were caring for her much of that time. And we all learned that there comes a point when family cannot provide the care and safety an aging parent requires.

Just remember to take care of yourself too, it's not being selfish, it's making sure your needs are also met because what you are doing is fucking hard in every way imaginable and you can't take care of others if you are not well.





2naSalit

(93,098 posts)
25. Awww...
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 10:36 PM
Jan 2021


You'll be okay.

If you have a place where you can go, I suggest a cornfield or something, and just yell at the top of your lungs for a moment, would be helpful. Give yourself a release valve, it helps.

alwaysinasnit

(5,275 posts)
20. My mom lived over 15 years after having been diagnosed with Alzheimers. I can definitely
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 09:18 PM
Jan 2021

empathize. Feel free to vent whenever you need.

blueinredohio

(6,797 posts)
21. Bless you! I did this for my father.
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 09:26 PM
Jan 2021

It was hard but sometimes you have to laugh so you won't cry. Hope you have someone who can give you a break. When someone offers help. Take it! Even a little break helps. Hang in there.

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