Elder-caregivers
Related: About this forumFUUUUUUCKK!
My mother was diagnosed with Parkinsons summer of 19. Personally, I think its Louis Body dementia with Parkinsonion symptoms. Shes fucking rocketing down the dementia hill, man.
Today, Im cooking dinner and she calls me upstairs. The toilet overflowed. I get the wet/dry vac and get to it, dig? Get it dry enough to go in and I find this....
And of fucking course, she didnt do it. Yeah, just me n her here but someone must have done it. Its always fucking someone but not her. Ill tell you this, if I ever find someone in this house, someone is being dragged to the woodshed and getting his ass kicked. Fuck!
I was much more calm when dealing with her even though I was feeling white hot anger at the moment....
Just needed to vent. Thanks DU.
underpants
(186,984 posts)❤️
Glamrock
(11,994 posts)Not to brag, but my ability to clamp down my anger is fucking legendary at this point. Although this one damn near pushed me into a screaming asshole.
Thanks pants, like I said, just needed to vent. Thanks fer being there bro!
magicarpet
(16,747 posts)Glamrock
(11,994 posts)Not a religious man in any way and I find me self reciting the serenity prayer under my breath.
magicarpet
(16,747 posts)Maybe a back up elder care sitter to give yourself a break once and awhile. Brother, sister, outside home care assistance to come in one or two days a week so you can get out six/eight hours to recharge,/refresh.
niyad
(120,398 posts)Any cognitive or health issues, is exhausting, and heartbreaking. Sending vibes for patience, and strength, and endurance.
Glamrock
(11,994 posts)Means more than you know! I think I feel your vibes coming on, although, could be the weed.
Seriously, though. Thank you.
niyad
(120,398 posts)And do, please, check into respite care. It can be such a help. As others have pointed out, it is only going to get harder. Make use of every resource you can find.
are in a nursing home because I could not ever physically or now mentally take care of them anymore. Unfortunately the mental part of not being able to handle everything still goes on especially now with Covid.
Ohiogal
(34,991 posts)My mom pulled this on me a few times. I feel your anger. It sucks!
Glamrock
(11,994 posts)She gone drive me CRAZY!
Cracklin Charlie
(12,904 posts)I wish you patience.
Glamrock
(11,994 posts)But theres times where its being spread over too much toast, you dig? Im doing my best not to blow up, brother. I was on the edge with this one. Marching through the house mumbling Jesus fucking Christ. The toilet overflowed, oh you think. Etc. Dude, I almost lost my shit. Hence the venting post.
demosincebirth
(12,740 posts)many shitty diapers she's changed on you and your siblings. Best for you to find a support group, that's what helped me. Good luck.
handmade34
(22,937 posts)you will smile about this one day!!
I took care of my dad (dementia) for his last few years. .
he was absolutely convinced that my partner had taken his long underwear and he was upset
he found his way down to the local car dealer and wrote a check (he still had his checkbook- big mistake) for a new Ford Escape and had the salesman drive it home for him
so many stories we have to remember him by
No Vested Interest
(5,201 posts)Perhaps try to keep her near you where you can keep an eye on the situation before too much happens.
Frankly, just as you do with a young child that you can't trust out of your sight.
Response to Glamrock (Original post)
No Vested Interest This message was self-deleted by its author.
procon
(15,805 posts)From busy little kids, now you need to adult proof a room for people with dementia. It will stream line your workload and prevent many of these little mess maker problems.
Sometimes you only need to secure a few things, but you may end up with a room as austere as a jail cell. It just depends on the person as to how set they are in wreaking stuff. Choose larger items over smaller ones, that makes them more difficult to cram into another potential mess.
2naSalit
(93,098 posts)You could be thankful she didn't burn down the house. Sounds like "proofing" the house is in order. My mom kind of crashed into dementia real hard about 20 months ago and it was hard to keep her from being hurt at home so we had put her in assisted living. She died from covid on 12/31... a little over two weeks ago.
The dementia is the hardest part, you can also look into hospice care that is not end of life care but someone who comes and gives you a hand in caring for your mom and help you with ideas on how to deal with some of these little nightmares, they are two separate services. It might help to look into that. It becomes too much to deal with after a time and you are only qualified for so much of the care she needs. Also, memory care is something you might consider.
Caring for an elder parent is hard and you should remember to not beat yourself into the ground trying to do it all yourself. You have to take care of yourself too, dear.
Glamrock
(11,994 posts)I had no idea! I am so sorry! Im a shit online friend. I am so sorry to hear! Oh man. My deepest condolences, sister. Im so sorry.
2naSalit
(93,098 posts)It's okay. Really. I didn't really announce it here so don't feel like you missed it. She was in her nineties and barely with us at that point.
She had a few lucid moments with my sisters in the last few weeks where she said that she wanted go and they told her it was okay if she was ready. Then a couple days before xmas she tested positive for the virus. We knew it would kill her, so we made sure she was not suffering through medication. It was kind of a blessing in that she was ready to go and might have lived for years being horribly miserable. It feels better to know she isn't suffering anymore. She was declining for ten years and two of my sisters were caring for her much of that time. And we all learned that there comes a point when family cannot provide the care and safety an aging parent requires.
Just remember to take care of yourself too, it's not being selfish, it's making sure your needs are also met because what you are doing is fucking hard in every way imaginable and you can't take care of others if you are not well.
Glamrock
(11,994 posts)You made me cry man!
Your words spoke to me soul. Thank you!
2naSalit
(93,098 posts)You'll be okay.
If you have a place where you can go, I suggest a cornfield or something, and just yell at the top of your lungs for a moment, would be helpful. Give yourself a release valve, it helps.
alwaysinasnit
(5,275 posts)empathize. Feel free to vent whenever you need.
blueinredohio
(6,797 posts)It was hard but sometimes you have to laugh so you won't cry. Hope you have someone who can give you a break. When someone offers help. Take it! Even a little break helps. Hang in there.