The Gettysburg Rant (Zero Lincoln Left)
"You know, they say 'four score and seven years ago'—what a stupid way to count, right? It’s 87 years. Just say 87 years! But Lincoln liked to sound fancy. He was a very tall guy, maybe too tall, and let's be honest, his hat was ridiculous. But okay, 87 years ago, some very smart guys—great businessmen, incredible patriots—they started this country. They wanted freedom. Real freedom. Not the fake freedom the radical left and the corrupt establishment are trying to sell you today, which is basically communism. It’s a total disaster what they’re doing to our country.
Now we’re in this big, stupid civil war. It’s a mess. And why? Because of weak, low-IQ leadership. Total losers on the other side, let me tell you. They are trying to destroy everything. We’re standing here on this field in Gettysburg. Look at the crowd, by the way. Have you ever seen anything like it? Thousands and thousands of patriots. The fake news media back there—see them? Terrible, dishonest people—they won't turn the cameras to show you the crowd. They’ll say there are only three people here. It’s a disgrace.
So we’re here to give a piece of this field to the guys who died. And look, they did a good job. They fought hard. I like people who win, obviously, but these guys gave it their all. They weren't like the captured guys or the weak people who just give up. They were tough.
But honestly, 'hallow' this ground? 'Consecrate' it? What do those words even mean? Lincoln loved those big words because he wanted to look smart. I don't need big words. The fact is, we can’t do anything to this field that hasn't already been done by the guys who fought here. They did a job like nobody’s ever seen. They were real fighters, unlike the corrupt politicians in Washington who wouldn't know a fight if it hit them in their stupid, smiling faces.
The fake news is going to say my speech was terrible today. They’ll say, 'Oh, he didn't sound like Lincoln! Lincoln was so eloquent!' Give me a break. Lincoln read from a piece of paper. I'm doing this from the heart, okay? They won't remember a word I say, but they can't forget what happened here because it was a bloodbath. A total bloodbath.
So it’s up to us—the real patriots, the people who actually love this country—to finish the job. We have to take our country back from the thugs, the losers, and the fake-news haters. We are going to make sure these guys didn't die for nothing. We are going to have a new birth of freedom—real freedom, not the woke garbage—and we are going to make sure that a government of the people, by the people, and for the people actually works for us, and not for the swamp!
Thank you, Pennsylvania! We are going to win so much! God bless you!"
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