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jmowreader

(53,581 posts)
81. MAD Magazine had something to say about the Smothers Brothers
Sun Jul 5, 2026, 09:32 PM
15 hrs ago

This appeared in 1968:

WHEN YOU RETURN THIS FALL...

Be funny, boys, but don't offend
The sponsor who's your network's friend
Be funny, boys, but compromise
With those who pay to advertise.
About commercials do not joke
And cut the coughing when you smoke.
Don't quip about computers, please,
Or ride the auto companies.
Don't laugh detergents down the drain,
Or jest about the aeroplane.
Don't kid the guy who wears cologne
And kid you not the telephone.
Don't pan the man who's bottle-tanned,
Omit the wit that bites the hand.

Be funny, boys, but don't offend
The viewers on whom we depend.
Be funny, boys, but do not twist
The nose of any chauvinist.
Don't tweak the beak of Bird-man's mate,
Or bait a certain Southern state.
Don't fool around with Uncle Sam,
And stay away from Vietnam.
Keep out of War or we are lost,
Avoid the draft at any cost.
Recruitment gags we don't allow,
Lay off the CIA and Dow.
Don't kid the Blacks, don't kid the Whites,
Cross out the Klan and civil rights...

Be funny, boys, but not too odd
For Heaven's sake, don't mention God.
Be funny, boys, but it's taboo,
To clown with Catholic or Jew.
You may not spoof, it's understood,
The sacredness of Motherhood.
Refrain from cracks that might compel
Such blasphemies as Damn or Hell.
Don't speak of sex in your routine
Remember you must keep it clean.
Refer to breast as chest instead,
And couch in other words, a bed.
When in the course of our employ,
No interjection like "Bolshoi!"

Aside from that, boys, do feel free
To knock 'em dead for old C.B.

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