Something else to ponder ... Would it be irresponsible of me to have children?

[Denninmi]

I thought this would be an interesting follow up discussion from my other thread. Probably a contentious one, too.

I haven't made it a secret on DU, I've been pretty open about it. I had a "mental health crisis" last year. I was initially told I was bipolar, a Dx that really scared me. I was later told that this was the wrong diagnosis, I actually have, and am in treatment for C-PTSD. That was a relief, but it still isn't easy. The process of therapy brings up so many things from my life, issues which have bothered me for years.

So, should I be a father? Would it be the responsible thing to do? Would it be fair to the child? To the spouse/partner?

I absolutely believe the answer is a firm NO. Why? Several reasons. First, if I can't manage my own life effectively, how could I expect to handle the demands of fatherhood, or marriage fro that matter? Second, there is the genetic question: do I possess defective genes which make me and any children I would have susceptible to psychiatric diseases? I believe the answer is yes, my father and his mother had serious, mostly untreated, mental health problems. I believe it is largely genetic, but of course there is the cultural and environmental factor, the dynamics of the relationships in the family. My childhood environment with an extremely abusive, mentally ill father was a living Hell. And I have worked very hard in my life to be the opposite of the monster he was on every level. But I wonder if under the wrong stress, the wrong situation, I would react in unexpected ways which I would not want to. Finally, I tend to do poorly in relationships, having exclusively been involved with those just as wounded as I am. I witnessed the nightmare that was my parent's marriage. It turned me off of the concept to a large degree.

So, I feel like the responsible thing to do is to absolutely not have kids. But I have had numerous people, both MH professionals and people on various forums tell me I am completely wrong, even that my attitude is stigmatizing and prejudiced.

An irony, virtually any man can biologically be a father. But many shouldn't be, the irresponsible, the abusive, the hopelessly addicted. Maybe I find that my fears are baseless. I am not willing to take that risk. Unfair to all involved.

So, what do you think?