Why I didn't tell you he was hitting me

[Violet_Crumble]

When I fled my abusive relationship for the last time, one of the first things my well-meaning friends and family asked was why I never told them what was happening to me.

"Why didn't you say something," they'd ask, looking concerned and confused. "I could have helped you. I could have done something!"

And I believe them. Had they known how horrible my life had become, I have no doubt that they would have done their best to help me. But all this happened more than twenty years ago. Today, I'm healed, emotionally healthy, and over it—and have the clarity of hindsight to see that my friends and family would have helped me.

But back then, not so much. Because when you're in the thick of things, in the middle of a hell that you're convinced is of your own making, you can't see anything clearly. Fear and shame consume you—they're your constant companions. And when you look at your family and friends, you often can only see judgment and derision. You know their opinions about women who stay in abusive relationships.

<snip>

As friends and supporters of abuse victims, we need to be more educated about the dynamics and mechanics of domestic violence. And most of all, we need to shed our own preconceived notions about the victims. They need our support and empathy. I learned that the hard way. I used to sit in judgment of women who stayed with their abusers, too. And I stayed on that high horse until the man I loved knocked me off with a punch.

http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/real-life/why-i-didnt-tell-you-he-was-hitting-me-20150624-ghvmpl