How do women build self-confidence?

[yardwork]

I have gained a lot of self-confidence from being successful at work, and this improved self-confidence has strengthened all aspects of my life.

It's not surprising to me that many women face barriers to working successfully. There are a lot of political, social, and economic reasons for people who control most of the power to want to keep women away from power. One aspect of this that is sometimes overlooked is that working at a satisfying, economically rewarding job gives women self-confidence. Earning their own income gives women independence and opportunities to make choices about their lives and the lives of their children.

I don't mean this to be an artificially simplistic argument between "women who work" and "women who stay home and raise children." Being a homemaker is extremely hard work and it can be very rewarding. And it doesn't have to be any more economically insecure than a job outside the home. If a couple decides that one of the partners will stay home to raise children and run the household, and they will pool the income from the other person's job outside the home, this isn't necessarily a bad idea. Yes, there is the risk that the couple will break up and the one who stayed home might find themselves suddenly forced into a job market with outdated or no skills. This has happened to a lot of women - it's an old story. But there are ways to plan for more security. I was a stay at home mom for 15 years but I did part-time consulting work that kept my skills fresh and when I decided to leave my marriage I was able to find a full-time permanent job that was a natural outgrowth of my consulting work. The other risk from being an unpaid homemaker is the loss of social security income and retirement investments. In my personal experience, however, working from home did not give me the same level of self-confidence or the same economic opportunities for independence that working in a job outside the home has given me.

My point is not that "all women should work outside the home." My point is that "all women should have the opportunity to perform work that is important, satisfying, and provides them with economic and social independence." That is where women gain self-confidence and - very importantly - avoid becoming trapped in dangerous and unhappy relationships that they can't escape because they lack (1) the personal self-confidence to believe that they can support themselves and (2) the economic means to support themselves and their dependents.

Unfortunately, there is a serious shortage of jobs available to women that actually provide a living wage and a sense of dignity. I recommend Barbara Ehrenreich's book Nickled and Dimed for a stark first-person account of how difficult - really impossible - it is to survive on minimum wage jobs. Many of the jobs currently available for women undermine their sense of self-confidence and limit their economic and social opportunities.

I'm interested to hear how others feel about work and how it affects their sense of self-confidence. For women and men, is your work a source of self-confidence and empowerment for you? If it is, how has that made a difference in other aspects of your life? If your work does not give you self-confidence and/or economic security, how does this negatively impact your life, especially your feelings about your ability to deal with the stresses and strains of life?