Some With Autism Diagnosis Can Overcome Symptoms, Study Finds.

[hunter]

15. Exactly where I've been.

I get tired of faking it, tired of "passing."

I'm too old for that crap.

I can feel the "meltdowns" coming, but our society believes everyone wants to dance.

So I dance until I can't anymore.

Over and over and over again.

Arranging my life so I'm comfortable is hard work. Settling on the meds that help me is hard work.

I have "disabled" autistic relatives who are supported by family and government and I don't want to be them, but I do get tired of this dance that does nothing for me.

One of my relatives lived alone in a small apartment paid for by relatives, never got married, never had a job, got food stamps and walked to the grocery store every other day. Her sister bought her clothes and she wore them in a random mix-and-match way. Her world was very small. Maybe she would have blossomed if she'd lived to see the internet or a world that was more accepting of highly unusual women. I don't know.

But I don't want to be her, or some of my dad's relatives. I'd rather be my rocket-scientist eccentric grandfather, but without the all the pain he suffered trying to fit in, trying to be "normal."

My dad did okay, the worst of this stuff seems to skip generations, or maybe my dad was born to a more fortunate situation. But I do my best.