Carol passed last night....

[Uben]

46. Thank you for your kind words....

....but I am just another Joe Blow dealing with things my own way. While I like to see myself as a manly man, I have no problem shedding tears for those I love, and like your Mom, I feel they are a necessary part of the process. For me, anyway.

I have been blessed/plagued with a logical mind. I figure out the most reasonable response to a situation and act accordingly. No, it's not always the right response because we all think and act differently, but if you allow for error and have the ability to recognize the need for change, you can work past most problems in life. That hasn't helped a lot in my current situation. No amount of logic or reason can compensate for the hurt of the loss of a spouse. Right now, I am on auto-pilot. One step in front of the other, trying to get through the day by attending to the things that need to be done. I know time heals all pains, but I also know that time is infinite, so pain can linger forever..... if we let it. This is where I'm supposed to say, "The trick is to.........", but I don't have a clearcut way deal with this kind of loss and agony. I wing it, just like everyone else.

I am lonely. I have never lived alone before. While I have many friends, that does not compensate for the loss of a mate. I find myself longing for a warm butt to snuggle up to at night, someone to say "the yard looks nice" after a hard day of mowing and trimming, or a spontaneous kiss. These are things that only a mate can provide. I will fill that need, someday, but right now I just hurt. I can't change what happened, I can only take what I have and deal with it the best I can.

HAving you guys here to spill my emotions on helps. I can say things I could not say to a 3D friend without choking up. And, I suppose that's why we are all here. Thank you for being here for me, all of you, from the bottom of my heart.

Uben