but you have to work on yourself too. Do not blame yourself. These are his problems, let him live with the results. If he does he may learn something. Maybe, or probably, he won't but do not trouble yourself with them. They are his.
You just need to find the woman, super is not required. Right now you are more mommy to him. Get out of it and find yourself. It is a long and very difficult process, I am still just beginning to remember who I was before all of this. I have had a lot of help. Meds got me through the beginning. Now it is just work. I have to live with what I lost, most of my productive adult years, and move ahead. That is what you need to do as well.
Don't be sorry. It is painful but something that has to be dealt with when you find yourself in that situation, we might be able to help you start the process but you need more than just us. It would have been nice to have to deal with being filthy rich instead but that is someone else's problem 
. Just get on with it before you find out you have lost more years. Remember, you are not his mommy and he has to learn what really happens when he has to deal with what comes after his bad behavior.
In my case, funny situation, if he just can't learn to close the front door let him be the one to get the skunk out of the house. (this is just a funny situation and example that deals with lack of responsibility in a small thing) If you find a skunk get back in your car and wait for your cell phone to ring. Just say "oh my, did you get it out yet?"
Forget the small good things, they are just that, rarely occurring and small. If you are still around him just say thanks and move on. The rest is his. Get yourself back to that specialist. Anyone who has to deal with someone like this suffers from PTSD. You have to learn to get rid of a lot of the baggage or you will not be able to move on in a healthy state of mind. Your pain is obvious and your reactions to others will suffer because of it.
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