news on my baby. none very good.

[mopinko]

well, at least she did get into some serious treatment. but we are in quite a situation here.
to recap- she was on her way to a bright future last fall, with a big aide package to a hoity toity college, a comfy train ride from home. she had a tough time getting through high school, where her medical issues and pain problems dogging her. but she did great. i did such a happy dance on this kids 18th birthday, as i was sure she wouldn't need much more mothering, making me a retired mom.
then she collapsed. started with pain problems that left her seriously drugged and tied up with appointments with specialists the first couple weeks of school. they really pushed her to drop out, and she did.
things just spiraled down from there to depression, cutting and phobia. she was hospitalized in november. she was supposed to follow up with an all day out patient program, but she didn't like it and dropped out of that. she did finally set up some therapy, but since she was sure this was all my fault/problem, she wanted me to go to therapy with her. i went along and made clear to the therapist that she was seriously ill, and beating up her mother was not all that she needed. (she insists she had a traumatic childhood, but honestly, i have no idea what she is talking about. i can see that her health issues, and the treatment involved, could be very trying for a kid. but she sure was never traumatized at home. she was the princess and we rarely had any negative interactions. she was a happy, loving child, passionately loved. her nickname was perfect. she now says this was a huge burden.)
she saw the therapist, and the med doc for a while, and they sent her to a trauma specialist. he flat out demanded that she go to full day outpatient for 3-4 weeks. said she did fit the criteria for ptsd, but also felt there might be incipient schizophrenia. even said something that sort of floored me- that if she didn't get serious, she was going to end up back in inpatient after hurting herself OR SOMEONE ELSE. that thought had never crossed my mind and still seems just impossible.
anway, she is going. she is trying her little heart out to find the road and get on it. we are being as supportive as we can, but it is hard. she was off to a good college, now she is apprenticing to be a tattoo artist. i have nothing against tats, but....
she has been hanging out most of the time with some people that we don't really know. she insists they take good care of her. the main one seems like an ok guy, but she is hooking up seriously with a guy that both DH and i find very snake-like. he claims to have 2 culinary degrees, but after months with no job at all finally got a job at best buy. his behavior in my kitchen leads me to believe he is lying. he is slinky and just icky. he dumped his girlfriend after weeks of hanging around with kiddo, just friends mind you, the fact that they were frequently draped all over each other notwithstanding. she says that he seems strange because he has multiple personalities. oh good. well, at least one of them is a slimeball.
my middle kid ended up pretty screwed over by a guy that we accepted just to not rock the boat. we didn't feel like we could do that again. so her dad and i both let her know this weekend that we find the guy to be a slimeball. we didn't make any demands, just told her what we thought.
so, she is upset and talking about moving out. she will expect us to support her anyway, but that is NOT happening.
it's all out of my hands, which in not something that i was ever very good at. she is working the therapy- cbt/dbt. some days she is fired up over getting better, other days she is just in the pits. to top it off, i do believe that one of her meds is causing at least a good chunk of this, but she wont stop taking it, or even complain to the doc about it. it bothers me because i took the same drug at one time and nearly flipped out. we are very much alike when it comes to these things and the tdoc confirms that family members often react similarly. it is just a sleep aide, and i don't get why she refuses to ask for something else. well, ok, i do and i don't.
anyway, just when i have so much to be happy about, i also have this.
sigh.
glad to be able to come here and vent.