This just flat out sucks

[Glamrock]

As some of you know, my mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and Lewy Body Dementia. It’s truly horrifying. The speed at which Lewy Body progresses is unreal. Truly. She was driving and going to work two years ago after the Parkinson’s diagnosis and a drug regiment was put in place. Here is an example of a conversation we had yesterday after leaving physical therapy.

So it’s looking like Russia is going to invade Ukraine. (We’re Ukrainian on her fathers side)

Yeah, there was a , uhm, thing. Where they make the stuff that you eat. We were…we took the thing that you hook up to thing for the battery. And we peeled it. But we had to throw it away because it went bad. But after awhile….there was a….uhm. The thing in the mail with the pictures. We did that. And everybody laughed.

Okay, okay. What made you think of that? (As if I have clue fucking 1 of what “that” is). I just told you that your grandfathers country is about to go to war with Russia.

I saw that. Andy and Barney were talking about it the other day (Andy Griffith and Barney Fife from The Andy Griffith show. Only thing she’ll watch. If I hear that whistling theme song one more time, I swear to god, I’m climbing a tower with a high powered rifle. Ya know?). And we need to get some…uhm…the things that Aunt Bea snaps on the porch. If they…uhm…. If they………..

Yes?

Is church today?

It’s soooo frustrating. And random crazy shit. Like she can sing along to every Beatles tune on the radio and remembers every word. But can’t string a sentence together most of the time or follow the most basic instructions!

Like, I took her for a UTI test after physical therapy to be on the safe side. Told her at minimum three times, pee in the cup at the front of the toilet. Cool?

Yes yes.

So you’re going to pee in this thing, not the toilet, right?

Yes yes. I’m not a child!!!!

She finishes up and not one fucking drop in the container. Gahhhhhh! Now we have to hang out for another 45 minutes until she can pee again! Fuck me.

On the one hand, this thing and the speed it moves is absolutely, unequivocally horrifying. On the other hand, compared to say Alzheimer’s and it’s slow march? It’s almost a godsend.

And therein lies the rub. The guilt associated with a thankfulness that your mother is deteriorating so rapidly. And the questions you ask yourself. Is this rapid deterioration good for mom? Is it a mercy? Or are you “thankful” because you’re just a selfish asshole? (I’m weeping as I type this because I honestly don’t know the answer.)

I don’t know man. I’ve never had children and just kinda wandered through life doing for me or my wife. Truth be told, mostly for me. And this thing is tearing me to pieces.

Thanks for letting me vent DU. I’ve been kinda missing in action due to this situation, but you all have always been here for me and it’s a safe place. Sorry if I’m bringing down your day.

Sincerely,
Glam