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[postatomic]

18. I don't know that this is a Mental Health issue

I worked with the elderly as a volunteer for quite awhile and I have dealt with 'difficult' parents.

It is extremely hard for the elderly to accept the failings of old age. Extremely hard. Like one good 'friend' I had said to me; "I'm a 40 year old in a 87 year old body".

With aging parents there is the element of the children becoming the parent and the parent the child. You have to walk a fine line between 'tough love' out of the concern you have and being understanding and a 'friend' to your parent(s). If you constantly point out their age issues they will become defensive and shut you out.

When working with the elderly I would make light of certain things and even crack a few jokes. I had one good 'friend' that was constantly talking about killing himself. He had a stroke that limited his mobility and he couldn't deal with that. He would talk about using his rifle to kill himself and I would tell him that he'd probably just end shooting xxxx (the person in the apartment above him). He hated being old and immobile so I'd support his feelings... to a degree. He finally "killed" himself by stopping his meds that kept him alive.

I'd like to think that I helped him enjoy life. Up until the time he died (he was 88) he would hop in his car every morning, drive to the local park, smoke a cigar, and watch the birds.

I know what you are going through is very hard on you. I totally understand. It was on me with my parent(s) but I did find a happy medium of blending concern with friendship. I hope you can do this as well. At least try.