I did leave some of his stuff sit for awhile and he is able to simply ignore it.
I think if I put things in black and white and start billing him for services if he wants to treat me like a maid, that will be the stick.
Carrot is reminding him we are both adults and the goal is to work together. When that happens, we are both very happy and proud of ourselves, historically speaking.
I think I will also write up what to me are "adult" behaviors and what are "childish" behaviors and volunteer to quit some of my "childish" behaviors if he will do the same.
I've been chatting a bit with him while he was on his way out today and he's agreed to the list.
When I mentioned that there is something going on internally with him that I can't figure out, he denies it.
He mentions that both of us have things that are higher priority and the other person is less responsive.
SO I know he always feels he has to remind me to check my balance and deposit money into the mutual. BUT he knows I get paid sometime on Wednesday via direct deposit and is on me first thing in the morning about it. TECHNICALLY, he used to wait until my official payday of Friday. But I started paying earlier as soon as I knew I had the money. SO it's like he HAS TO NAG ME to make himself feel important or like he is doing HIS job of managing our finances.
I MIGHT be able to offer and exchange with him that I won't nag him to pick up his own messes after himself if HE backs off until Thursday (a compromise of the earliest and latest time of possible payment to mutual) on his desire to manage my personal responsibilities. I will give him 24hours before I put a post it on anything I feel isn't my responsibility to manage.
I think it has to be about approach. Making it less heated and more respectful and supportive.
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