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[murielm99]

27. Yes. My mother probably has narcissistic personality disorder.

It is difficult to diagnose, and no one would ever get her to a therapist anyway. She is too perfect. But my therapist, and my brothers therapist BOTH suggested that that is her problem.

She is 83, but so ornery that she will outlive us all.

My mother loves to cause trouble within the family. My niece despises her so much that she did not tell her she was getting married, and did not invite her to the wedding. Mom has never met any of her great grandchildren, because none of her grandchildren will visit her.

I will only visit her if there are several other family members present. Three years ago, I went to see her and I was pretty sure she was going to attack me physically when my husband was in the bathroom.

My dad now has dementia. He is 86. She is mostly housebound with him, so things are getting worse. He should be in a nursing home, but she refuses to allow it. There is nothing we can do about it.

For awhile, I was having my husband listen in on all phone conversations, because her phone conversations had become so abusive. She behaved for awhile, but that is starting again.

I call my mother once a month and let her talk. If I have to ask my husband to listen, I do. Then I let her know that I have a witness, so she better not try to start arguments or call other family members and tell lies about me.

At the moment, she seems to trust my middle brother. He can talk to her, but he can't get her to make any changes, especially in regards to my father's care. She wants to care for him at home. I think she is doing a good job. It is the first time I have ever seen her behave unselfishly. Of course, she is able to let everyone know what a martyr she is, caring for her increasingly frail spouse.

Just let your mother talk. Visit her when you can. Try to figure out whom she trusts, if anyone. If you have to get her into a nursing home or assisted care program, you may need to enlist the aid of a doctor, a family member she trusts, or a mental health worker. My brother and I have been trying to get that sort of network in place, because we may need it in the near future.

Good luck.