Today is exactly one week since I lost Sian, and since that unrelated 'family' member kicked me to the curb

[Siwsan]

I can't really even use the term family because, well, she let me know I'm NOT family to her, anymore.

Anyway, I still keep expecting to see Sian jump up on the kitchen counter when I'm making something to eat. Still looking for her in her favorite places. I miss her curling up behind my knees at night.

Yesterday my brother stopped by to drop off some Trader Joe goodies and to see how I'm doing. We were in the living room, talking, when Madoc suddenly jumped up on the back of a chair, stared up at the ceiling and started loudly meowing. We saw nothing. I now wonder if Sian was being the proverbial 'Ceiling Cat', and checking in to see how I'm doing.

As for the former 'family' member, I'm taking my therapist's advice and just letting that go, and that feels good. My mom used to pull that exact same emotional blackmail - do what I expect or you will be disowned. I had an actual list of things that would get me booted out of the family. Of course, my dad would never have let that happen, but when I got that message on Friday, it sent me reeling back in to time.

I didn't feel empowered to test my mom's threat. I felt fully empowered to test this person's, which she probably never expected.

So am I fine? No. Still not sleeping more than a few hours a night, but I have gotten my appetite back and did a whole lot of yard work, today. And my boys have been brilliant, keeping me company and purring up a storm.