Cuz otherwise we’re gonna worry!
Sometimes it helps to keep a journal. I’m a writer, so I do at least a little every day (or night). There might be times when you look back over some of the pages and there might be a “holy SHIT!” in there! Maybe you’ll look back and realize that was one problem that has actually faded away. Either way, there’ll be wisdom in there.
And I KNOW, FOR CERTAIN, that this WILL be helpful. Either to you - cuz it’ll help you figure out what the issue is, since sometimes it really makes a difference or gets clarified just by seeing it on paper - OR to someone else here who stumbles on it and either gains perspective or consolation that they’re NOT alone, NOT making it up, NOT making an unnecessary big deal out CB of it, or recognizes it because somebody they care about seems to be going through the same thing.
Sometimes JUST KNOWING is enough. And writing it down somewhere (like here) can help detach it from you at least a little bit. It might allow you to look at it more dispassionately or objectively.
NOT doing anything about it is the wrong way to go. Some of this stuff is stuff you should not be ignoring. There’s a line from AA that basically says “first you have to admit you’ve got a problem.” In your case, maybe it’s “first you have to admit you’ve got a confusion”, (or an issue).
And you also have to do one other thing (oh crap, it’s more like A FEW THINGS!):
Love, forgive, and be patient with yourself.
Don’t expect or demand answers, instant or bit-by-bit.
Be gentle with yourself. Isn’t the “problem/issue” enough already, without you piling on, expecting the perfect behavior or response from yourself when you really should remember that you’re only human. Don’t expect to be Superman. Remember, our most recent Superman, Christopher Reeve, spent the last nine years of his life confined to a wheelchair after falling off a horse in the worst possible way.
Be gentle and forgiving. Hold yourself carefully in the palm of your hand. And if you’re lucky enough to have friends and extended family (or “family”), luxuriate in that, and run to it when you need it, cuz it’s a true gift.
And, you can ALWAYS come here to talk, commiserate, or seek support. Our beloved DUer Skittles once put it best: “Someone’s always here.” And I certainly have certainly found that to be true!
Especially since DU is a site spanning many time zones by now!
Let us know how you’re doing. Keep the connection. AND know it’s always there.
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