My personal hell.

[Newest Reality]

2. And I thought

that realizing I don't exist and this all is not happening in any way, nor did ever and that there is no future since I have never been to it and it is a convincing illusion but it changes so much that it is obviously an appearance and somehow it is a series of shifting dreams that can be very nice that I want to repeat and nightmares that are so hellish at times that I realize that I don't have to wait to die to go there.

Then, I take a deep breath, relax and realize how naive I tend to be and that dissolving is really nice.

Hope you cheer up and that your nervous system can calm down. Relax into it as best you can. Disturbances are the name of the game, from emotions to thoughts, the ride is full of thrills and chills and bizarre shit and I swear it only gets stranger as you go on.