Feel like a whiner. Know I am not a refugee, homeless, crime victim etcetera. But the thinking about others suffering only makes me feel depressed more depressed that they have to suffer.
Growing up Catholic I got that old chestnut: "God never gives you more than you can handle." Well forgive me believers but that's crap!
I am covered in itchy hives again, I can't eat hardly anything any more because I keep having to run to the bathroom with stomach cramps and excuse me but loose bowel movements five or six times a day if I eat anything even remotely close to a vegetable, and now even avoiding them doesn't stop it all that much. I've lost weight, my immune counts aren't right. They ship me from one doctor to the next, none of them know what's wrong or what to do. The gastroenterologist said eat more fiber, and when I say I've done that and it makes it worse he ignores me.
My 7 month old GSD bites me and my sister who visits often. Have had her to specialized trainer! She doesn't exhibit behavior with her or casual acquaintances. Just people she gets to know well. Nothing is helping and I have tried everything. I exercise her regularly, love her, try to give her boundaries but nothing works. In all likelihood I am going to have to give her to the GSD rescue in our area to try and rehabilitate and re-home her.
My cousins who claimed we were their sisters by heart have ditched us. They are going through crap of their own and my sis and I offered support. What did we get in return. They manufacture some story that the last time they visited my sister told my cousin's wife all the mean things her sister in law was saying about her. Can we all say delusional? I was there through the entire visit. Never happened. The thing is her husband, our cousin was there too, knows it didn't happen but has ostracized us anyway.
This on top of my mental illness issues. If I call therapist or psychiatrist they are just going to give me that keep being as courageous as you've been even though it's hard, etc. The doctor will toss out more meds which solve nothing.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I keep trying, I keep following the rules. It's just when is enough enough?
I made my sister a promise that I would never give into the urge to end it again and I won't go back on that cause I won't put her through more misery.
So I am stuck. The only things I even slightly enjoy anymore are my sister, books,sleeping, and my one feral cat who let's me pet her and even with those things, the only ones I know can't be taken away are sleeping and books.
I just don't have any clue anymore about how to be remotely happy?
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