be it the one in the bathroom or the one in the head. what it shows us is the fear, the anger, the negativity we feel about ourselves, not who we actually are or how others see us. fighting my own warped self-perception/esteem is a battle that's been raging for years and it's only been recently that i've started gaining ground because i told the mirror to piss off.
the perfectionism will kill you. we are all just people bumping along on this blue marble and we're going to fuck up. sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, but we will fuck up. but fucking up, as long as it's not intentional and out of malice, doesn't mean we're bad people, just that we haven't learned a particular lesson yet. the key is to remember that, to tell yourself that when you catch yourself beating yourself up for some small perceived failure or shortcoming. more often than not, you are the only one who is even going to notice the fuck up. i talk to myself all day long to keep that perspective. and when you do fuck up, it hurts, but there are always going to be people who will help you up, dust you off and help you get back on your way. one of the hardest things to learn is to love ourselves and accept we'll screw up from time to time.
i understand the risks of benzos, but i've been on ativan for ten years now with no issue. i use it as sparingly as i can and can stretch a one month script out for months, though some times are harder than others and i back off for a bit if i have been taking them more than normal. i've found that just having them with me often has the same effect as taking one, i feel safe knowing that they're there if i need them. but medications don't have to be forever, sometimes they're needed more just to get us to where we need to be to be able to deal with the underlying issues.
= new reply since forum marked as read